to See Without Sight
by Haybell
Summary: Clarissa Morgenstern hadn't done a great sin against the universe. She had been a normal teenage girl, with a pretty decent life. She had been planning on arts, she lived and breathed art, but that was all stripped away in a matter of seconds. Now Clary is left in a world of darkness, one she hadn't asked for, all because of one person's mistake. Going blind at 15 is a bitch.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all character rights!

Chapter 1

Intro to Darkness:

I never really thought much of what the world would be like in complete darkness, at least not until the light was ripped from me. Fifteen years old, and I went blind. It was a normal Friday afternoon. I had just been released from school and Mom and I were driving out to the farm house to meet up with Luke. The windows were rolled down, early May warmth kissed my skin, and music blasted from the radio. We were nearly there when out of no where a large truck rammed into the passenger side of our car. It was announced later on that the driver had been drinking. He could have stayed home and drank, should have, but he didn't.

The car was totaled to say the least, everyone says it was a miracle Mom and I made it out alive, but I didn't see it that way, I mean how could I. Mom spent about a week in the hospital, she had had a broken leg and a few cuts from the broken glass, while I had weeks, plural. My right arm was broken, my right leg badly crushed, a slight concussion, and thousands of tiny shards of glass went into my eyes. The next day I woke up in a drugged state to complete darkness. I didn't really talk much after that, I didn't eat much either. It was just too hard. There were still so many things in the world I had wanted to see, places I had wanted to go, and now I couldn't even walk outside by myself anymore. I'd lost that freedom, because one idiot made a major mistake.

The driver's name is Sebastian Verlac, he was nineteen, and came to the hospital once a week for an entire month just to apologize over and over again. I could tell how sorry he was, most of the time he came in crying, but that wasn't going to fix my eyes. After a month of hearing him pleading for forgiveness I gave in, and then the visits ceased. Turns out he just didn't want to have a guilty conscience.

None of my friends came to visit. I was given a whole bunch of excuses like it was told it was too hard on them, that they didn't want to see my like this, that they didn't know how to interact with me anymore. It was a whole bunch of bullshit if you ask me. So I sat there, the only human interaction I received was that from the doctors and what little family I had left. Both sets of my grandparents had died, no aunts or uncles, and my Dad had died when I was really little.

The only ones left were Mom, Jonathan, and Luke. Luke is Mom's "friend", but Jon and I both know there's more to it than that. To be honest I wouldn't mind if Luke ranked up as Mom's boyfriend, or even new husband, he's basically our Father figure already. Jon is Jon. He didn't change through all of this, he's still overbearing, teasing, annoying, talkative, and just everything I could ever hope for in a brother. I know I struck gold with the big brother pot, but I'd never tell him that in a million years.

All of that happened a little over a year ago, and now its August again and Mom is sending me to this brand new school. Apparently all the students have "problems", I guess I'll fit right in. Sixteen years old, blind, Junior in a new highschool, oh yeah I'll be having so much fun. By the Angel I'm gonna need some help.

Authors Note: hey guys, so I know some of you may read some of my other things, and for those of you who do, I apologize now. I've just got a serious case of writer's block for the Final Pieces. This idea hit me one night when I was trying to sleep, it was just bugging me so much that I couldn't not write it! I hope you guys will like it, and support me through is. Any and all constructive criticism is welcome, no matter the brutality, it'll help me in the end. I guess this is it for now so see ya, and thank you so much for reading!

-Haybell


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Dorms and Genes:

Friday

"Hey pouty face," Jon whined as he nudged my hip with his, "You should be more excited, its your first day! And you'll be in a dorm so you don't have to worry about Mom and Luke smoochies." Jon made a gaging noise, and I couldn't really blame him. After the accident Luke and Mom must have had some sort of epiphany or something, because a month later they were like magnets. That was the first time I was glad I couldn't see.

"Yeah, yeah," I sighed as I leaned into his side. Jon was walking me through the school's campus. It seemed nice enough from how he's described it. He said it was built sorta like a gigantic church. The building was tall with soaring turrets and narrow stain glass artworks. Jon said that some of the stain glass was crafted to create angels, and others were twisty swoops and curves. Those same odd shapes decorated various parts of the school grounds, like the edges of the sidewalk. The grounds were fairly large, at least it seems like it with all this walking, and the smell of flowers still permeated the air, giving the false sense of spring.

"And now a right," Jon said as he quickly shifted our direction, "Almost took you to the boys dorm, which you are never allowed to go to. Not even if they offer you candy, you got that?" Jon ruffled my hair as he wrapped a free arm around my shoulder. Jon and I still had one more bag to carry up, even against all of my complaints Jonathan had insisted on bringing my art bag. I hadn't touched it since the accident, and I've sworn to myself that I won't, but it just "mysteriously" appeared in the mix of bags. It was just too hard to even attempt it. I used to spend hours a day just drawing, and now it was impossible. Mom says I just lost my muse, and that it'll come back to me with time, but I find that extremely hard to believe.

"Pinky swear," I laughed as I lifted up my hand and within seconds Jon had wrapped and shook it. "Now its an unbreakable vow," Jon laughed as he veered me off in another direction. I couldn't help but laugh as we continued down the hallway, it was only ever with Jon that I could completely forget about everything that had happened. Mom and Luke tried, but every now and then I catch a hint of sadness in their voices. Its in those moments where I find myself torn with who has it worse. Me coming out broken, or Mom coming out practically unscathed and having to see her daughter like this?

"Hey the room is..." I had started to say when a flash of light caught my eyes. I whipped my head around, trying to catch it again, but it was gone. The first couple of days after I had lost my vision blots of sharp lights would flash before my eyes, but no real shapes had formed. The doctors had been optimistic about this, said it was a good sign even, but it hadn't happened again in over ten months. I know I'm a lost cause in this department and I absolutely cannot get my hopes up again, its just to painful a crash to fall from that high. I shook my head as I focussed back in in the topic, I must be tired, that's it. "Number 14b," Jon supplied, "and we're here now, and by the looks of it your roomie is here too." I felt a flutter of butterflies in my stomach, I didn't know much about my roommate, just that her name is Isabell and that she is color blind and slowly losing her vision, I guess we're kinda the same.

I pulled the key out of my pocket and reached for the door, feeling around for the slot and then unlocked it. I could hear a little squeal as I opened the door, and then a weight was thrown into my arms. "Oh, I'm so excited you're here! I'm Isabell, you must be Clarissa," the weight said before shifting. I caught the scent of vanilla and heard a jangling of some sort of jewelry.

My nose scrunched up when her words finally processed, and the shock of her greeting settled in, "Please, call me Clary, Clarissa is just..." I shook my head as a burst of nervous laughter left me, "Oh and this is my older brother Jon." I felt behind me until I felt Jon's hand brush against mine. "Nice to meet you," Jon said as he moved around, probably placing my bag on my desk top.

Jon and Luke came a couple of days ago to set everything up, the only thing that was left was me. As soon as Jon got home from setting everything up I had bombarded him with questions. The dorm rooms were a fairly decent size. The school allowed everyone enough room for a twin size bed, a desk, a dresser, and a small chest. The rest of the space was left for us to decide, and from what I've been told its still a good piece of space. The walls in my room are a light blue, like cotton candy as Jon described, and the floors are simple hard wood.

"Hi," Isabell said before she grabbed my wrists and led across the room. She sat me down on the bed on the right side of the room, her side. "I hope I don't sound too stalkerish, but I already checked your schedule, and we have all the same classes!" I could hear her let out a sigh of relief and then the bed dipped more, she had flopped down next to me, "I was so nervous that I would get stuck in a class full of strangers, Its my first year here, how about you?" Isabell asked, her sentences were starting to slow down to an almost normal pace now.

"Me too," I said with a nod of my head, "You're pretty much the only person I know here." "Really!? I thought I was going to be the only one. The only students I know here are you and my cousin Jace," Isabell laughed as she moved in the bed. I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face. I had been so nervous about making friends, of being able to connect at all, and all it took was a couple of minutes. Isabell is the first girl my age that I've really talked to since the accident, I almost feel like running a mile for this little piece of normalcy. Its nice to be treated like a regular sixteen year old, and talk about regular sixteen year old stuff like school.

"Hey, Claire-bear," Jon said and then I felt his hands on my shoulders, "I've got to head back now, so remember if you need anything, absolutely anything just call and I'll be here in an hour." Jon scooped me up in a big bear hug as if I weighed nothing, his arms wrapping around me so tight that I couldn't breathe, but it was a nice hurt. Jon had graduated highschool last year, though he was close to being held back a year. He had missed so many days from school so that he could stay with me, we just got lucky that his school was understanding, it also didn't hurt that Jon was the top of his class. Okay, okay, I'll say it. My brother is practically a genius, and he is good at sport, captain of the soccer team to be precise, he is nice, and he is a little tensy bit good looking. Okay let's face it, he got all of the good genes. Its completely unfair if you ask me. Jon has our Dad's tall muscular build, white-blond hair, straight nose, and sharp jaw line, and Mom's full lips and green eyes. I got a warped version of Mom. I have my Mom's red hair, but my crazy, raggled mess of curls ruined it. I have her fair skin, though I have freckles all over. They cover the tops of my cheeks, my shoulders, and are precariousness placed all over the rest of my body, they're quite a bit of a mess. Thankfully one of my traits turned out pretty nice, if I do say so myself. I got my Mother's bright green eyes, though mine have a darker hue and small gold flecks thanks to Dad.

"I love you Jon," I whispered before pulling back. "I have deep regards for you as well," Jon laughed before placing a kiss on my forehead. "I'll see you for fall break," Jon said as he ruffled my hair, then a few seconds later I heard the door gently click shut behind him. Tears formed in my eyes, but I quickly dried them before turning back to Isabell, "So what's our schedule?"

Author's Note:

So what do you guys think so far? Does it flow, is it choppy, are Clary's emotions coming through alright? Oh also how do the scenes seem to you guys? This is the first time I've written where the character can't see what's around them, I hope it doesn't seem so weird. The next update should be some time next week, at least I plan on updating weekly, wish me luck guys! Thank you for reading!l

-Haybell


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all of these characters!

Chapter 3

Night and Day:

Sunday

Turns out Isabell was right about our classes. First period is history with Mr. Starkweather, second is a class that teaches us brail with Mrs. Herondale, third is Technology with Mr. Lightwood, then we have lunch, fourth period is music with Mr. Carstairs, fifth is gym with Mr. Herondale, and sixth is art with Mr. Bane. Its a lot of classes, I know, but at least the school separates them. We have first through third periods on Monday and Wednesday, and the remaining classes on Tuesday and Thursday. Friday is basically a remediation day, if we get behind in a class or just need extra time to work on schoolwork, that's the day to do it. The set up makes it a lot easier to get from class to class, especially since the grounds are so large. I know for a fact that I would have been late to almost all of my classes if the set up was any different. There are support groups, clubs, sports, and even church groups every day after class, except for Friday.

Classes don't start until tomorrow so Izzy and I are touring the grounds again. Its gotten much easier now that I've done it so many times, soon I'll probably be able to get around on my own. Tap. Tap. Tap. At first it was odd to have to rely on something as simple as a stick to get places, but now its like second nature. All it takes is counting and listening. From my bed it takes five taps forward to get to the door, and from there its ten taps to the right, seventeen to the left, and then thirteen more to the right and I'm in front of the door that leads out of the girl's dorm. Simple, so long as you concentrate and remember.

"Hey Izzy," I called out when a minute or so passed without Izzy's mindless bantering, but I was answered with dead silence, save for the sounds of others around me. "Izzy!" I called again, this time louder. My heart beat faster at the thought of being left out here alone. I may be getting used to this place, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to go out on my own, no way! Izzy and I were just heading to the cafeteria to get some lunch, which is just my luck because the cafeteria is one of the few places that I haven't memorized yet. I cursed myself internally as I tried to move forward. Tap. Tap. Tap. Clank. I tapped to my left and heard the same clanking sound, it must be a trashcan or something, so I headed off to my right.

"Izzy?" I called again. The buzz of people around me was growing louder, making it harder for me to hear the taps of my walking stick. I strained to listen, but soon found myself colliding with the side of a wall. It knocked me off balance, and I most certainly would have fallen to the ground if someone hadn't caught me. My back pressed against a hard plane of flesh and strong arms wrapped around me to keep me from toppling over. My cheeks flared with embarrassment at both my clumsiness, and my epic navigating fail. "Sorry," I mumbled as I uprighted myself. "Don't worry about it," a deep voice laughed, "Its not everyday that I get to save a damsel in distress." The snort escaped my mouth before I could stop myself, "Damsel, really? What century are we in again?" The boy laughed, it was a full and pleasant laugh that brought a smile to my face.

"Yes, chivalry is not dead yet, and I do believe its the 21st, could be wrong though whose to say," the words seemed to just roll from him, and as odd as it seems I found myself wanting him to keep talking, if only just to hear his voice longer, "Now does this damsel have a name, or should I just call you little red?" Hahaha, very funny. Like you're the first to play on my hair, but coming from him it didn't sound like a snide remark, more like an observation. "Clary," I said, "Clary Morgenstern." I placed my free hand out in the direction his voice has been coming from, and within moments he takes my hand up in his and gives it a polite shake. "Nice to meet you Clary, I'm Jace Wayland," the boy, Jace, said.

The name sounded oddly familiar, and then it hit me. "Oh," I said with a start, "Are you related to Izzy? Isabell Lightwood." Jace laughed for a moment before answering. "So, already looking into me, are we Clary. First family history, next criminal records, then medical info," Jace said, clicking his tongue at the end, I could just imagine him waving a finger at me, and then again I couldn't. I have absolutely no idea what he looks like. If he's cousins with Izzy he might have the same straight, black hair and tall frame, then again cousins don't have to look a like. I mean look at Jon and me, and we're siblings.

"No, no, no," I said as I waved my hand, "Izzy is my roommate. We were walking around here actually, but I lost her. Do you think you could find her, I would do it myself but..." I motioned towards my eyes which now had tiny scars from the glass all around them. My cheeks grew red again, this time in shame for having to be dependant on a complete stranger. "Oh, yeah, sure," Jace said, not missing a beat. There wasn't even an ounce of pity, in his voice, he didn't even seem startled.

"Hmmm," Jace hummed as he searched for Izzy, and after a couple minutes his voice picked up, "Oh, there." Jace grabbed ahold of my wrist and pulled me forward a bit before realising his mistake and let go of me, "Sorry, I didn't mean to..." I waved him off. I completely understood, that was how Jon usually brought me around places. It was just easier that way, and it helped to not get separated. "Its no biggy, Jon does this all the time," I said as I offered Jace my hand again. After a moment's hesitation he grabbed my hand again and started to lead me off again. "She's just over here," Jace said, but he sounded different, I'm probably wrong but it almost sounds like he's sad.

"Clary!" I heard Izzy yell after a while, and then the jangling of her bracelets rang and next came the scent of vanilla. "Where did you go!? I turn my back on you for a minute and then you're gone," Izzy cried as she wrapped me in her arms. She sounded like a mother scolding her child for wandering off. "Izzy, Izzy," I laughed, "I'm fine, and besides, I was safe, Jace helped me." "I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse," Izzy scoffed. "Hey," Jace interrupted, "I can year you, ya know?" "I know," Izzy said, I could practically hear the eye roll in those two words.

"So, you wanna get lunch now," Izzy asked, her cheery mood returned as she focussed back on me. "Sure," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. "Finally! I'm starving," Jace said as he followed behind us. I felt the gush of wind as Izzy whipped her head back at him, "I wasn't talking to you. Don't mind Jace, Clary, he's just an idiot, now, what are you hungry for?" I wasn't sure whether I should laugh or feel sorry for Jace, Izzy was just night and day between the two of us.

Author's note:

Hey guys! So I wanted to thank those of you who I can't reply to in the comments here, so thank you! I'll answer questions now for those of you that I can't reply to...

MI cra-cra: I completely goofed on the whole eye thing, but yes I suppose she would. They would most likely just be dark sunglasses, and as for the cane yes she does. I just didn't write it in the first ones because she had someone to guide her.

Oh also would you guys like pictures for this story or do you want to create it all yourselves?


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all, except for the plot line.

Chapter 4

Rules:

Monday

"How does it look?" I asked Izzy as I made a small turn about the room. Today was the first day of real classes, which meant I also had to wear our school's uniform. The girl's uniform is just a white dress shirt, a simple black skirt, a red cardigan sweater, and a matching red neck ribbon. The boy's uniform is a button up dress shirt, a red, navy blue, and gold tie, and a suit jacket(which is optional). Turns out our school's colors are red and gold, don't ask why because I have no idea.

I would have been a complete loss without Izzy in this department, she would have killed me before letting me out of the room if I wasn't 'absolutely gorgeous.' Izzy even did my hair for the first day, I have no idea what she did, just that it doesn't feel like my usual frizzy mess of curls. "Amazing!" Izzy squealed before gripping my hands and bouncing up and down, before long a wide grin found its way on my face and I couldn't stop myself from joining her.

Knock. Knock. "Hey, are you two ready yet?" Came Jace's muffled voice from outside our door, "We're gonna be late to assembly if you don't hurry, I hear the headmaster gives detentions out to anyone who misses." "Yeah, yeah, Jace," Izzy called, "Don't get your panties in a bunch, we're coming now!" I could hear Jace's grumbling from outside the door, but neither of us could stop our bursts of laughter. I picked up my walking stick, and was beginning to search for my student ID when Izzy stopped me, "Hey, I got everything so let's get going." Izzy quickly clipped my student ID to the pocket of my shirt, it had all of my information, including the fact that I couldn't see. It helped the teachers know without having to ask ridiculous and time consuming questions,all they had to do was read.

I felt against the wall as we neared the door and snatched up my room keys once my fingers brushed their familiar cold, metallic surface. "I'll have you know that my panties are well situated, Isabell," Jace pouted as soon as we opened the door. "Mmhmm," Izzy hummed before interlocking her arm within mine, "Come on Clary, let's go." I trotted alongside Izzy all the way to the school auditorium, Jace nagging behind us about how he was always left out and about girls always taking forever. "I would have gotten a better seat if you two wouldn't have taken forever," Jace mumbled as he settled into the seat to my right, and Izzy to my left.

"Quit your gripping already and just tell Clary she's pretty already, by the angel you have no balls," Izzy sighed as she leaned over me to get a better look at Jace. "I... bu... tha..." Jace stuttered as odd breathy notes left his mouth "You have no idea what you're talking about Izzy," Jace finally managed to say. He leaned back into his seat, quite forcefully it sounded by the complaints and creaks from the chair. "Mmhmm, that's what I thought," Izzy laughed before picking up my hand and giving me a high five.

The buzzing of people started to pick up around the room as more students filled in, some still young sounding and others near graduating age. The school was set up in five sections. There is an elementary school for grades K-6, a junior high for 7-9, and a highschool for 10-12 which is where I'm placed. Each of the three grade sections have a separate place on the campus, and the other two are the boys and girls dorms. Even the dorms are separated by grade, each grade has its own hall, but the commons, kitchens, and bathrooms are shared.

"Good morning students," a woman's voice echoed over a sound system. She had a slight accent, British maybe, it was clean, precise, and left no room for questions. She sounded like the type of woman who got her point across the first time, and would have dire consequences if defied. "I know today is an exciting day for all of you, whether it be your very first day at Alicante Prep, or another year for those of you returning. Many of you already know who I am, but for those of you who don't I am Mrs. Branwell. I hope to have an amazing year with all of you, but in order for that to happen there are certain rules and guidelines that must be followed, not only to help myself and your teachers, but to keep you safe as well.

"Rule 1: I know many of you may miss your families or friends outside of this school, but leaving the grounds is a big no. If you wish to leave campus all you need to do is head to the main office and give the details and information to Miss Dorothea, everything from that point on will be sorted out in no time at all. Rule 2: No drugs, alcohol, or gangs are allowed on campus at anytime. If there is so much as suspicion to any of those things the suspects will be given detention, and then the real culprits will be immediately expelled from school.

"Rule 3: Absolutely no bullying will be tolerated, no matter the form. As soon as a teacher catches you, you will either be sentenced to six weeks detention for your first time, six weeks detention, cleanup duty, and room confinement for the second time, and the third will be complete expulsion. Rule 4: No sexual acts. No ifs, and, or buts about this matter, after eight o'clock intermingling between the girls and boys dorms is prohibited.

"Rule 5: Curfew for dorms is ten o'clock. By ten you must be inside your respected rooms. There will be guards patrolling through, so don't think you can just get out of that. Rule 6: Dress codes must be met. Uniforms will be worn Monday through Thursday, and on any school trips. If you violate this rule you will have after school detention an hour for every violation.

"That's it for the school rules, though expect more to be added by your teachers. This school is a school that I hold very dearly at heart and I hope that all of you will show it and everyone in it with the respect they deserve. This school has been one of many struggles due to obvious reasons, and when the school was being formed many people were against it, saying this school was a waste of money, time, and effort. I hope that all of you can show those people just how wrong they are. Now, on to your first periods, and have a wonderful day."

Author's note:

I wanted to thank all of you guys up front I had no idea that this many people would take an interest in this story, it really means a lot to me.

Now for questions: that really does sound like something he would say lol, if she does ever ask him I hope you don't mind if I use parts of that? And yes I do know people that are blind, well mostly blind. I have three family members that are like Izzy, color blind and starting to go blind. Eventually they won't be able to see anything at all. But I never really thought of them as an inspiration for this story, not consciously at least.

MI cra-cra


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all!

School Schedule:

(10 min. Passing period, 70 min. classes, 45 min. lunch, 65 min. homeroom)

Monday & Wednesday: History(Mr. Starkweather), Brail(Mrs. Herondale), Lunch, Technology(Mr. Lightwood), Homeroom

Tuesday & Thursday: Music(Mr. Carstairs), Gym(Mr. Herondale), Lunch, Art(Mr. Bane), Homeroom

Chapter 5

Monday

*First Period*

"Good morning class. I'm Mr. Starkweather and from this point on I will be teaching all of you history, if that is not the class you are supposed to be in I suggest you leave now," Mr. Starkweather said. I could hear the tapping of his shoes against the wood floors as he paced the room. "Nobody? Well then, let's get down to business. Over the course of this first term I expect all of you to be able to recite dates, events, names, and causes of each and everything I throw at you. Any and all information I give to you can and will be up for grabs on pop quizzes, so I'd pay close attention if I were you." The taps had stopped and were then replaced with the rubbing of leather and then the squeak of wheels, he had sat down. "This class is not going to be an easy 'A', so throw any ideas of that out the window. Late work will not be accepted, no matter the circumstances, and once you reach three late or missing works you are going to be faced with a week of detention, any questions so far?" I sat up straighter in my chair as I focused in on his words. I wasn't sure if he was being serious , or if he was just trying to scare us into doing everything he says, and I don't think I want to find out for myself.

"Good," Mr. Starkweather said as a squeak noise left his chair again and then a large bang rose up, causing me to jump. "That is your homework. You may work in groups, but only in groups of two, and everyone must put in equal effort. I expect this to be finished and turned in before the first bell rings on Wednesday. Now, you have time to choose partners and a bit of time to get started," Mr. Starkweather said as his tapping filled the dead silent room and then the squeaking of his chair. I stayed sitting, unsure of what was going on around me by the lack of sound. "Well move!" Mr. Starkweather yelled. The sound of several chairs sliding and several feet scrambling around picked up immediately.

*Second Period*

"Good morning everyone," a pleasant voice rang out, "My name is Theresa Herondale, but during school hours you have to call me Mrs. Herondale." Theresa Herondale had a slight accent, it wasn't one that I was familiar with but was old sounding. "Now, since today is just the first day we won't dive too deep into our reading, but at doesn't mean we're going to just sit here. I'd like to know more about all of you, and hopefully I'll get your names down by the end of the week," Mrs. Herondale laughed, it was high-pitched and sweet like that of bells, "I will apologize to all of you now, I am terrible with names."

Mrs. Herondale went around the room, asking everyone their name, age, grade, why they were in this school, and a random question. It was now Izzy's turn and next it was mine, Izzy and I were one of the last people to answer, at least that's what Izzy told me. "Hey! My name is Isabell Sophia Lightwood, I am 16 years old, and a junior. I came to this school because I have a disease that is causing me to slowly lose my vision, the doctors say the final stages will probably happen by the time I turn 23."

What Izzy was talking about seemed so, so scary when she put it that way. She is losing her vision little by little and there is nothing she can to about it, but the way she talks tells a different story. Izzy's voice is cheerful and bright the entire time as if what she was talking about wasn't anything at all. "Isabell Lightwood..." Mrs. Herondale hummed before her voice popped back up, "Oh! You don't happen to be related to Mr. Lightwood, do you?" "Yes!" Izzy squealed, clearly happy, "He's my brother." I could hear the smile in Izzy's voice.

Mrs. Herondale then moved onto me. Slowly I pushed back my chair, resting my finger tips atop my desk as some sort of tether. "Hi," I said with a small wave of my hand in no particular direction. "I'm Clarissa Adele Morgenstern, but you can call me Clary, I'm 16 years old, and a junior. I came to this school, because I got into a car accident a year ago, and now I can't see. The doctors were optimistic about my sight coming back at first, but they've kinda given up now." I finished with a shrug of my shoulders as I tapped my fingers on the top of my desk. There wasn't really much to say about my 'condition.' Urgh, even the word sends chills down my back. I survived, I'm broken, but there's just something about calling what happened to me a 'condition' that just irks me.

"Well Clary, I wouldn't give up just yet, you seem like a fighter to me. By the way, is that your natural hair color? Its so bright and beautiful," Mrs. Herondale said with that same burst of laughter. I couldn't help but crack a smile, even if she was only making up a lie to make me feel better, "Yes."

*Lunch*

"Izzy," I said as I dangled my head down so that it rested in the palms of my hands, "how. much. longer?" Izzy just laughed, nudging my side with her shoulder and knocking my head from my hands, "Don't be such a baby, besides my brother's class is next. You wouldn't want to miss that, now would you?" I didn't need my sight to know that Izzy had put on a puppy dog face at the end, if only she knew how useless those were with me. "Fine, but I'm soooo not looking forward to this History packet. Its so thick, how many pages is it anyway?" I said before taking a bite of my ham & cheese sandwich, simple, easy, and I could make it all on my own.

"36, but I plan to mooch off of Jace, he's good at history. Nerd," Izzy laughed. "Really Izzy," Jace said, I hadn't even realised he was there. Jace took a seat next to me, most likely casting a glare at Izzy, "And for that comment you can do it yourself." "Oh come on Jace, Clary and I both need help on this, please," Izzy begged. "You know, I think groveling is a good look for you Iz," Jace said, still bitter from Izzy's earlier comment. "Sorry Izzy, but I am not begging for anything," I said as I finished off my sandwich before taking a swig of my apple juice.

Jace just chuckled and then a gust of air whipped around me followed by a 'thwack' sound and Jace yelling ow. "First off Jace, Ew. And second off you're a perverted ass. And third off, ewwwww," Izzy said as she pulled me closer her and farther from Jace. I didn't quite know what they were fighting about now, but I'm getting a strong urge to just ignore. Smile and nod. Just smile and nod.

*Third Period*

"Hey, most of you already know, but for those of you who don't, I'm Mr. Lightwood. Today I'll just be going over class rules, procedures, yada, yada, yada. All that boring stuff, okay?" Mr. Lightwood had an easy air about him, but at the same time his voice rang out, demanding attention and order. He was also fairly young sounding, which makes sense because he's only 24. Alec Lightwood, known in school as Mr. Lightwood, is Izzy's older brother. Izzy said this was only his second year teaching her, and that I really shouldn't mind him much, apparently he's all bark and no bite.

This class is also a pretty small class, and I recognize at least half of the names from previous classes. Izzy is obviously in the class with me, but so is Jace, which I'm still contemplating on whether or not that's a good thing. 70 more minutes of their bickering, by the angel save me now. Simon Lewis, Cecily Herondale, Julian Blackthorn, Emma Carstairs, Maia Roberts, Jordan Kyle, Maureen Brown, Sophie Collins, Camille Belcourt, and Jessamine Lovelace make up the rest of the class, at least those are the names that I remember from roll call.

"Any questions so far?" Mr. Lightwood asked. I sat up straighter, focussing in on where his voice was coming from, I felt a little guilty for zoning out, but there is no way that I'd ask him to start all over again. "No, well I guess that's everything for today," Mr. Lightwood said, I could hear the the shrug in his voice, "Um, I guess you can just talk amongst yourselves for now. Class is over in ten minutes."

"Urgh!" Izzy said as she directed her voice over to the direction Mr. Lightwood had gone, "Most. Boring. Class. Ever." I couldn't help but giggle at Izzy, I know I'd give Jon crap if he were my teacher, I guess it just happens to be a sibling thing. "Don't listen to her Little Red," Jace said as he gently pulled a strand of my hair, "So how was your first day?" My nose crinkled and the tops of my ears heated at his little name for me. Its nothing, I know it, but there were just so, so many people who teased and ridiculed me for my hair color, not to mention my height. Let's just say I got the shallow end of the tall genes.

"School is school I guess," I said with a shrug of my shoulders as I ignored the name. I keep forgetting, but Jace is a year ahead of us, making him a senior. The only reason we have this class together is because Technology goes to all grade levels, I think we even have a few freshmen. "Oh perk up, you only have two more years to go," Jace teased, no doubt enjoying the fact that he was home free after this year. "So hey, I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but what's with you? You sound fine, and I know you can see, so..." I trailed off at the end. It really had been bugging me, I mean Jace just seems too perfect.

Jace just laughed, and then I heard the scraping sound of a chair sliding across the floor. Jace had pulled a free chair up to sit on. "I don't think anyone has ever asked me like that," Jace chuckled, "Um, I have a bone cancer called Osteosarcoma. It isn't too bad most of the time, but I did have to switch schools. Alicante Prep is pretty understanding with me having to be in and out for treatments.

"The doctors first noticed it when I was 12, and after 3 years of treatment and a whole bunch of other crap, they just amputated it. Right from the knee down on my left leg. They thought I had completely gotten rid of it, and it really did seem like it for about two years, but its back now." Jace let out a sigh, followed by a nervous bit of laughter, "I guess this cancer just really likes me, I mean I knew I was irresistible but seriously. Clingy much?"

"Irresistible?" I laughed on the outside, but on the inside I felt my heart sinking. As much as I hate to say it, Jace is a really great guy. He was nice to me right from the start, and he most definitely doesn't deserve this. "Yup," Jace said, popping the 'p' at the end. There was a creaking on the top of my desk as Jace leaned in, "All the ladies dig a guy with one leg. I really do pity those other guys, they just don't know what they're missing." "Pfft," Izzy snorted beside me, "And what ladies are you referring to? Your Mom?"

I laughed, but my heart wasn't all that in it, sure I can't see anymore, but that's it. I know where my case stops, where all my hardships are and for the the most part I know how to manage it, but what about Jace? His case is full of uncertainty, and here I was whining and moping. There was a bitter taste left in my mouth, and I found myself wanting to apologize, and a part of me wanted to cry too, but I couldn't. Izzy and Jace are being so brave and are able to take all of this in stride and with confidence. All I can do now is try and be at least half way to their level, "Hey Izzy, who do we have for homeroom?"

Author's note: hey guys! I hope you guys liked this one, andI hope that the longer I write this that it doesn't go downhill. Oh and for Hannah who does want pictures, I'll try and put up links in the next chapter.I love you guys, and thank you so much for reading!

-Haybell

Now are questions:

MI cra-cra: I think it'll be more than a little acceptable for Clary and Jace to bend those rules lol and I LOVE the whole pretty eyes thing! Its awesome... if you hadn't guessed already I'm a sucker for fluff as well


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all!

School Schedule:

(10 min. Passing period, 70 min. classes, 45 min. lunch, 65 min. homeroom)

Monday & Wednesday: History(Mr. Starkweather), Brail(Mrs. Herondale), Lunch, Technology(Mr. Lightwood), Homeroom

Tuesday & Thursday: Music(Mr. Carstairs), Gym(Mr. Herondale), Lunch, Art(Mr. Bane), Homeroom

Chapter 6

Tuesday

*First Period*

Izzy and I sat in a room that echoed just about everything. The acoustics in this room were great, as they should be considering our first period today is Music. Izzy told me the room was set up in a large circle with seats lined up in three separate rows in a semicircle about the room. Izzy and I were sitting in the second row, near the middle. With the help of Izzy I learned the lay out of the room. The chairs took up half of the room, while the other half held a grand piano, a podium, and the teacher's desk. A violin case sat atop the otherwise bare desk. Floor to ceiling mirrors lined the wall adjacent to us and there were two doors to either side of the mirrors. One led outside of the room, and the other led to a room devoted to instruments of all sorts, as well as sheet music, and other such necessities.

At the moment the teacher was out of the room, which left a class full of students to themselves, oh what a start to our day. "You really should stop teasing Jace," I scolded Izzy. We had been so close to finishing our history packets from Mr. Starkweather, with the help of Jace of course, when Izzy started teasing him for knowing all of the answers by heart. Turns out Jace is big on history. It was kinda odd how he was able to shoot out dates of when events occurred, when documents were signed, when people died or were born, within seconds. He hadn't gotten a single question wrong out of the 53 questions we had asked, but it was admirable. He had put so much effort into memorizing those things, only to be shot down by Izzy. We had 70 questions total, and we were so, so close to finishing. Izzy just couldn't keep quiet for another ten to fifteen minutes.

Izzy just scoffed, "The boy could live to learn a bit of humiliation." Izzy is always bitter when it comes to Jace, I have yet to find out the reason, but I hope to remedy that soon. "Izzy..." I started to say when she cut me off with a low and drawn out whistle. She clapped her hand on my shoulder as she leaned closer to me, "I really feel for you right now Clary, cause man is he a fine teacher. When did teachers get hot?! Mmm," Izzy hummed. I couldn't help the blush that crept onto my cheeks as Izzy spoke, she was fairly loud, and I was fairly certain the whole class heard her, Mr. Carstairs in included.

"Ahem," a man's voice cleared the room. There was a very slight English accent, mixed with something else in the way he spoke. "Let's all settle down now, shall we? I apologize for my tardiness, and I do hope to prevent that from happening in the future, now, let's get down to business." The sound of feet tapping across the floor struck up, and then shortly after he spoke up again, "For those of you who don't know already, my name is Mr. Carstairs. My job here is to teach all of you about music, some of you may choose to sing, while others may want to pick up an instrument. Either way I will be doing everything in my power to get each and everyone of you to the point where you are confident with at least one piece of music, or song. Now, you all must remember that it takes two, no matter what you are doing there is give and take. I can throw everything at you and hope that it sticks, but unless you want to, and are willing to learn, you will not improve. Do all of you understand?"

There was a collective murmur of yeses, Izzy's very loud out of the group. "Great," Mr. Carstairs said, I could practically hear the smile in his voice, "Now I will be going around the room to write down your names and whether or not you want to sing or chose an instrument. If you change your mind later on, that is perfectly fine, but for now I need an estimate of who will be going into which groups." Mr. Carstairs went around the room asking everyone what they wanted, and the whole time I was stuck with Izzy fawning over him. By the Angel girl, boy crazy much? I can't help but love her though.

It was near the end of class when he reached us, I guess everyone sat in the first row. "What would your name be?" Mr. Carstairs ask when he reached me. "Clarissa Morgenstern," I answered in the direction his voice had came from. "Okay, now what would you like to do Miss Clarissa? Instrument or singing?" "Singing," I answered with a shrug of my shoulders. Singing would probably be easiest, I don't have to look at a sheet of music to remember a song, I'll just have to remember the words.

"Excellent, now, what about you?" Mr. Carstairs asked, turning to Izzy now. "I'm Isabell Lightwood, single and into you," Izzy said. I could just imagine her winking at him and then batting her lashes for effect. My cheeks heated once again, and I struggled to keep myself from laughing out loud. Mr. Carstairs just cleared his throat and asked Izzy his next question. "And would you like to sing, or play an instrument?" Izzy thought for a moment before answering, "Violin, I want to play the violin." "By the Angel," I heard Mr. Carstairs mumble under his breath as he passed. Izzy apparently didn't hear him, because as soon as he left she turned to me all excited. "I think he likes me," Izzy squealed. My heart went out to Mr. Carstairs, the poor man.

*Second Period*

I shifted where I stood, my converse squeaking on the gym floor. I tugged at the red basketball shorts I was being forced to wear as my gym uniform. Gym was by far my least favorite class. I was a clutz and terrible at sports with my sight, just imagine how much worse I'll be now. "Okay class," Mr. Herondale said with a clap of his hands, his voice bellowing out around the gym, "Today we'll start out with a simple jog outside." There were a few people who groaned, but everyone complied, following Mr. Herondale out of the gym doors and toward the schools football field. Izzy filled me in, telling me about the track that encompassed the field.

At the very beginning of class everyone was given their own draw string bag with their gym clothes in it, but mine also had a small cuff link bracelet that had a sensor in it. Whenever I got too close to a solid object, like the wall, it would set off a small beep, it will certainly help when we're running. Izzy stood next me at out starting points as we waited for Mr. Herondale's signal. "Geesh, I hate gym! I'm going to get a crimp in my hair now," Izzy whined as she fiddled with her hair. She had pulled it up into a high ponytail, and then did the same to mine, saying that we should be twins. Yeah, we soooo look alike Iz, but I complied all the same.

"Ready, set," Mr. Herondale started, and then he blew a sharp whistle, "Go!" We all took off in a run, I stuck to the outside of the track, and Izzy stayed near me. Every now and then I would hear the beeps of the bracelet, and I would know I was getting to close to the fence that surrounded the track. All I had to do was turn a bit to the left, and I was back on track. Despite the slight burning in my chest, and the complaints from my legs at my lack of exercise, I found myself smiling. This was the first time in a long while that I was able to really do something that normal teenage girls are capable of. I haven't been able to just run on my own without someone else guiding me in a long time. Its been over a year now, and I'm finally getting back to myself, slowly but surely.

"Izzy!" I had started to say, I had wanted to ask her how close we we to reaching our starting point again, we had already passed it once already, but that same spark caught my eye. My first day here I had seen a flash of bright light, the only light I had seen in quite a long time, and now it happened again, only this time it different. As well as light filling my vision, was a flash of someone, Izzy. Izzy was tall and slender, with small, defined curves hugging her in all the right places. She has long, straight, sleek black hair that hung to the middle of her shoulder blades even with it pulled back in its high ponytail. Her skin was tanned, and she was looking back at me with a tired expression in place, but a playful smile still played at her lips. Her dark brown eyes were wide and doe like as she waited for me to continue. I stumbled, catching myself with my hands before I could smacked my face on the track below me.

"Woe, are you alright?" Izzy chuckled as she ran back to help me up. Just before I hit the track my vision disappeared again, and I was surrounded in darkness again. My hands felt cold, and as I sat back up a light headed feeling washed over me. I placed my face in my hands as I took in slow, calming breathes. I do not want to be the girl who passes out the first day of gym. "Hey, Clary, do you need to go to the nurse or something? You look even paler than usual," Izzy questioned as she reached to help me stand. I shook my head as she brought me to my feet, and then my legs gave from under me, the only thing holding me up was Izzy.

"Hey, take it easy, okay," Izzy cooed as she lowered me back down, "Wait right here and I'll go get Mr. Herondale." Izzy was gone before I could tell her no, leaving me completely alone on the side of the track field. My hands felt ice cold and they shook even when I tried to stop them. I could feel the judging stares of my peers, it didn't take eyes to know that. There were even a few groups who passed by, snickering. Most of them thought I was faking it to get out of gym, oh if only.

In a couple of minutes the scent of vanilla and a bit of sweat hit my noise and I knew Izzy was near. "... She was fine one moment, and then I turn around and she's on the ground," I heard Izzy explain to Mr. Herondale. She sounded near to tears, and to be honest I wasn't sure if they were real or not. Someone knelt in front of me, they smelled of old spice and fresh soap, "Do you think you need to go to the nurse?" Mr. Herondale asked. I wanted to say no, wanted to keep going on with class, but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't even stand on my own right now. I nodded my head, a frown in place. I could feel Mr. Herondale's eyes on me, he was searching me for the truth, just as any of my old teachers would have. He knows people try to get out of things they don't want to do, but he gave.

Izzy helped walk me down to the nurses office, and was told to stay there with me until the end of the period. I could feel the other students stares drilling into the back of my head as I leaned heavily on Izzy for support. I was miserable and humiliated. The nurse was pleasant enough, and lead Izzy and me to the far corner of the room. Cots with curtains around them lined the wall, and I was placed in the second to last. After the nurse had given me a warm washcloth for my head she left, and Izzy quickly shut the curtain. Iz took a seat on the side of my bed before pouncing on me with all these questions.

"What happened? Are you alright? Do you need me to take you to the hospital? Were you poisoned? Was it Jace? Jace did something didn't he? Do I need to beat someone up for you?" She asked, and she most likely would have continued on forever if I hadn't stopped her. "Hey, hey, calm down Izzy," I laughed as I reached for her hands, "I'm alright, I swear, its just..." my voice caught at the end and doubt clouded my thoughts. This whole thing is crazy, I know that, but I'm not so sure I want Izzy thinking that. She's been my first real friend for a long, long time, and I am certainly not going to give that up.

"Just what?" Izzy insisted, shaking my hands impatiently. I could feel the bed shift as she leaned in closer, waiting for my answer. "I... I saw you Iz," I opened up my eyes wider, willing my vision back just as it had on the track, but it was like a black curtain was shielding me and someone off stage was in control of the whole thing. "You what?" Izzy asked, excitement bringing her voice up an octave. "I saw you. It was only for a few seconds, but I saw you," I repeated. "Ohmygosh!" Izzy squealed inhumanly high. I took her burst as one of encouragement, and it turns out I was right because her arms were around me in seconds. She bounced with me on the cot, squealing with excitement until the nurse came back to scold us.

Izzy maintained her glee to a more tolerable level after the nurse left, gushing about how amazing this was. "We should have a party! Oh I know, we need to tell your family, they have to know right away, your doctors too," Izzy continued to go on in her excited stupor. I had to physically calm her, holding her shoulders until her bouncing stopped and she was able to talk like a normal person. "Okay, I'm better now," Izzy said as she took in slow, calming breaths. "Good," I laughed. I took my hands off of her shoulders and moved them to my lap where they fiddled about nervously.

"I like your ideas, really Iz, but it might be too soon. The last time this happened it was only once or twice, and then it disappeared for nearly a year. I just... I don't want to put everyone's hopes up only to let them down," I explained. My stomach sank at the thought, it might be a whole year before I see again, and even then it might never happen. It would be nice to see again, go to the doctors and get everything fixed just as Izzy is making it seem, but I don't want to fail again. I don't think I'd be able to do that again. "But," Izzy had started to say, and then she got a good look at my face and stopped, "Okay, but if it happens again you tell me right away, promise." "Promise," I laughed as I raised my pinky in the air. Izzy accepted, "Now there is absolutely no way of backing out. Hey are you hungry?"

Lunch should be about now for everyone else. "Sure," I answered, and then Izzy left to go get two meals from the cafeteria, she even promised to get me a coffee, said it would cheer me up. I waited alone in the infirmary, event he nurse was gone for her lunch break. I was swinging my legs off of the edge of the bed, playing with my neck ribbon when the door opened. "Finally Iz," I laughed as I pulled my legs up on the bed, criss-cross applesauce style so that there was room for both of us. "Sorry, its just me," Jace laughed nervously, "but I can leave if you want." "Oh, no, I just thought you were Izzy," I said as I waved him off, "You don't had to go, Is went out to get us lunch if you want to join us." Jace let out a sigh as he walked across the room, "I'm not so sure that's a good idea, Iz isn't really a big fan of mine." "Really," I said sarcastically, "I would have never guessed." Jace just laughed as he leaned against the rail at the end of my bed, it squeaked under his weight, but held him up. "I don't mean to be rude or anything, and its probably not my business, but why are you and Izzy like that? Fighting all the time I mean," I asked as I stared in the direction Jace's laughter had come from. "Oh, um that's a bit complicated to explain," Jace said as he scratched the back of his neck, "let's just say I made a mistake that Izzy holds over my head. I promise when we have more time to talk I'll explain, scouts honor." I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face, he always had this way about him that made sad or dreary situations... not. He always finds a way to put a smile on my face, that much I know for sure about him.

"I should probably go before Iz gets back, she'll probably kill me if she finds out about this," Jace said, I could just imagine him watching the door for any signs of Izzy. "And what exactly is this?" I asked without thinking. By the angel am I flirting with Jace Herondale? "Hmm," Jace hummed as he thought. It was deep and smooth, I had the odd urge of wanting to hear him sing. "Me being worried about you. I heard that a redhead got hurt on the track field, and as soon as class was over I found myself running here. I'm glad you're alright Clary," Jace said softly, I could practically hear the smile in his voice.

I heard his footsteps on the floor, and at first I thought he was leaving, but then I caught his scent, fresh soap tinged with sweat. I sat there, unsure of what he was doing and then the bed shifted as he leaned over, resting his hand on the bed to keep him up. "If you don't want to, just tell me now," he said. It was too late for me, because as soon as his words had processed in my mind his lips were on my. He kissed me slowly and surely, and against all my better judgement I let him. His lips were soft and the kiss was dizzying, but it ended all too soon. "I'm sorry," Jace said after he pulled away rather abruptly, "I just... I don't know why I did that." Jace cleared his throat before putting some distance between us, "I um... I guess I'll see you later, I'm sorry, I really am."

I sat there, staring in the direction he had left. I'm not sure how long, but I didn't stop until Izzy came back. "What's wrong? Did you bust your lip when you fell?" Izzy asked. It wasn't until then that I realised I had been touching them, "No," I said, shaking my head to clear my thoughts. "'Kay, oh, I hope you like BLTs because I saw them, and just couldn't help myself." "As long as you brought me that coffee I'm good with anything," I laughed as I forced myself back to reality. I had flirted with Jace Herondale, and he flirted back. But most importantly I had kissed Jace Herondale. By the Angel I kissed Jace Herondale.

*Third Period*

Izzy and I missed the most of third period, because I still needed a seal of approval from the nurse to be sent back out. The nurse tried to send Izzy back before me, but she refused until the nurse gave up. By the time we reached the art room there were only ten minutes of class left. All of the students were either packing up or were chatting amongst themselves. "Nice of you to join us," Mr. Bane said. He had been sitting at his desk by the front door. His room was set up in a sort of flowy way, his desk sat next to the door, then long tables with four chairs at each edged around the room. The wall directly across from the front door was made entirely of windows and art supplies were scattered about the room. Large supplies like throwing wheels and isles were in the far left of the room.

"You two are Clarissa Morgenstern and Isabell Lightwood I'm guessing?" Mr. Bane said as he stepped closer, the tapping of his shoes echoing around the room. "Please, call me Clary," I said to the direction his voice and steps had come from. "Oh I know," Mr. Bane said, I could just imagine the smirk in place, "Your brother, I think his name was Jonathan, had a chat with me about your talent. He even brought in a few of your pieces, they were quite good. I have high hopes for you dear."

Jon, you just wait until I get back to my room, oh you're going to get an earful. "Thank you," I forced a smile on my face, "But I don't draw anymore." "We'll see," Mr. Bane said before turning to Izzy, "and you, your brother warned me about you." "Oh did he now," Izzy questioned, stepping closer to Mr. Bane. "Yes I'm afraid he did. Your brother is quite something," Mr. Bane said, I could hear the smile in his voice at that. Izzy just laughed, "How'd I guess?" Not long after the bell rang and we were off to homeroom.

Author's Note: I hope you guys are enjoying this story as much as I am! Its just so much fun to write! I again want to thank all of you who like and are sticking through this story with me, I don't think I'll ever be able to say that enough. So, I love you guys and thank you so much for reading!

Questions:

MI cra-cra: yes, Jace does have a prosthetic leg.

Question for you guys: who is your favorite TMI/TID character, you can choose one from both. Mine is Jem Carstsairs from TID and either Alec or Magnus from TMI.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all!

Chapter 7

Girl Talk:

Tuesday night

*Dorm room*

Izzy and I had finally managed to finish the gigantic history packet, without the help of Jace. We had two reasons for this: 1.) Iz and Jace can't stay in he same room for over 30 minutes without getting into a fight, and 2.) I still didn't know how to react to Jace at the moment. I had never been one for dating, especially because for Jon. Every time a boy got near me, Jon would magically appear. He has to have Spidey senses or something! Lets just say that Jon is a tad bit over protective.

I opened my mouth for maybe the tenth time that night, just to shut it again. Izzy has to have advice, I mean the girl oozes with femininity and confidence. I bet she's never had troubles with boys. She could most definitely help me with this, but... this is her cousin. Is boy talk about the other girl's cousin off limits? "By the angel Clary! Spit it out already, you look like a fish doing that," Izzy cried as she flounced onto the bed next to me. I sat up straighter, wringing my hands nervously as I turned to her.

"There's this boy..." I started off, but I didn't get too far because I was cut off from Izzy's squeals. "Who is it?! Who is it?! What happened, you have to tell me everything! Do I know them?" Iz cried as she bounced excitedly on the bed next to me. Knots formed in my stomach at how excited Izzy was, she is absolutely going to be disappointed. I reached for Izzy's hands to calm her a bit before continuing. Her bouncing slowed and I could feel her dark eyes drilling into my forehead. "Not much happened, really, but..." I stopped as I thought about everything that had happened. It really wasn't much, was it? And a boy like Jace he probably has a bunch of other girls, most of which are probably a better match for him than me. Urgh, I don't know!

"But..." Iz interjected, willing me to go on. "We kissed. I don't know if it meant anything to him or if its fun and games to him. God Iz, did I mess up in kissing him?" I asked as quickly as I could, worrying at my lip afterwards. Izzy took my hands in hers before answering, "He would be a total idiot if he decides against you." There wasn't a hint of pity or the friendly 'oh you're too pretty for him not to' that family and so-so friends use. She said it as if it was clearly a fact, that anyone who isn't living under a rock would know.

"Now," Iz started, "tell me about him." That earlier 'little girl' glee was back in her voice. I couldn't help but laugh as I thought of all the ways to describe Jace, of course Izzy already knew him, but I think I'm going to keep his identity secret as long as I can. "Well," I said as I moved to rest my back against the wall, "He is really smart, but he doesn't flaunt it and make you feel stupid. He puts on a confident, almost arrogant front, but at other times he is shy. Its kind of adorable. He's funny and sweet too, all without being cheesy." A smile found its way onto my lips as I thought of him. By the angel I'm turning into one of those googly eyed, boy crazy, teenage girls, someone please help me.

Iz laid out on my bed, resting her head on my legs. "He sounds almost too good to be true," she laughed, "Now, you said I know him or no?" My cheeks grew hot as I tried to think up an excuse to not say him name. "Okay, okay," Izzy giggled as she poked my stomach, "you don't have to tell me now, but keep in mind that I will be on the look out for this mystery boy." I couldn't help but smile back at her, Iz made all this, these stupid butterfly feelings, better. So what if Jace doesn't end up liking me. So what if he thinks he can just use me, cause I know for sure he is sadly mistaken for that one. But maybe, just maybe, he really does like me. A part of me is really rooting for the last of my options, no matter how slim those chances are.

Author's Note:

Hey guys, sorry this is so short but this week was finals week and I haven't had time to write alot. Hopefully the next chapter will come out on time, so keep your fingers crossed! Oh and for those of you who haven't read the Infernal Devices, they are a must. ill give you three reasons: 1.) Jem Carstairs. 2.) James Carstairs. 3.) Ke Jian Ming


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all except for the plot!

Chapter 8

Bad Side:

Wednesday

*First Period*

"I assume all of you have your packets finished and ready to hand in," Mr. Starkweather said, his deep voice bellowing out around the classroom. There was a collective murmur, but among that I could hear the boy next to me say, "You know what they say about assuming." I guess Mr. Starkweather heard to for his steps walked towards us before stopping. "And what exactly do they, Mr... Lewis is it?" Mr. Starkweather sneered. "Nothing sir," the boy said, sounding slightly afraid, I know I would if I were in his place. This is only my third day at this school, and I've already heard of Mr. Starkweather's reputation. Let's just say he isn't an easy going guy.

"No, no. You've caught my attention so you might as well enlighten me," Mr. Starkweather said, he was clearly not giving up on the matter. The boy shifted in his seat before clearing his voice, "They say it makes an ass out of you and me, sir." The room was dead quiet as we waited for Mr. Starkweather's reaction, the poor kid wouldn't stand a chance.

*Second Period*

Izzy was still talking about that Lewis kid in Mr. Starkweather's class when we walked into Mr. Herondale's class, I think his first name was Simon. "Oh, Clary dear," Mrs. Herondale stopped me soon after I had entered her room, "Are you alright? I heard you were sent to the nurses room yesterday." My cheeks heated for a moment as I thought back to yesterday. I had almost forgotten about the whole thing. Jace's lips on mine popped into mind, and I shook my head clear. "Yeah, I'm all good now. I guess I just felt a little dizzy is all," I said, and to be honest it wasn't a complete lie. "That's great to hear, I'm glad you're better now. If you feel lightheaded at all please tell me right away, okay?" Mrs. Herondale said in her soft and polite voice. "Thank you, I'll keep that in mind," I said before excusing myself to go find Iz.

I placed my right hand out, feeling for the edges of the desks. I usually had my walking stick with me, but it is a major pain to deal with when I'm in a confined space with lots of people. "Over here!" Izzy called. I let out a sigh of relief as I walked towards Izzy's voice. She continued to talk about Simon Lewis, to everyone else it would seem like normal chatting between teenage girls, but I knew better. Iz was trying to guide me with her voice. Within a minute I was in the seat next to her, "Thank you," I whispered to her. She just laughed and nudged me with her elbow. "For what?" She feigned ignorance.

Today we had a real class. We were taught the entire alphabet in brail and Mrs. Herondale assigned books to everyone, they were much like every other literature textbook only instead of printed words, they were engraved into tiny bumps. "I was all of you to keep practicing over the letters," Mrs. Herondale said at the end of class, "Next week we'll be going over numbers and putting together small words. Have a wonderful time these next couple of days and study. I do not want to have to do a repeat of this lesson, am I understood?" There was a collective murmur of 'yeses', and I knew most, if not all, were telling the truth. Mrs. Herondale is a wonderful woman, one whom I don't want to ever upset.

*Third Period*

Izzy and I had grilled cheese sandwiches, cinnamon applesauce, and sweet teas for lunch today. It had surprisingly been a calm lunch, well besides the fact that Iz still wanted to talk about Simon Lewis. I think she might have a bit of a crush. I don't know much about Simon, only that he is a bit of a smart ass and has nerdy but cheeky jokes, and I've learned what he looks like through Iz. Apparently he has the cutest brown eyes and adorable little nerd glasses. He also has curly brown hair and is taller than Iz in her heels. "Its so hard to find a guy who is taller than me now a days," Iz had said, sounding exhausted by the idea. I put in the usual replies to these sort of talks, only half listening to what she was really saying. I couldn't help but feel a little guilty for that, but my mind was far to preoccupied at the moment.

Iz and I are now sitting and waiting in Mr. Lightwood's class. We sat in the same spots we had chosen the first day of school. I sat back in my chair, dropping my head back so that my neck hung over the back of the chair. I fixed my black glasses so they wouldn't fall off, taking a deep breath as I waited for class to start. This was the class that we shared with Jace which meant he was bound to come anytime now. I closed my eyes, opened them, then closed them again, going from dark to dark as my ears strained to hear the shrill ring of the bell.

A chair scraped out from behind the desk that sat next to mine, I turned my head in the direction, mostly from pure instinct, and that same flood of light from gym came to my eyes. Legs. I saw long, dark denim covered legs stretched out underneath the desk, the left crossing over the right. There was something off about the left leg, it looked thinner, less relaxed almost. My eyes trailed up the rest of the body which soon became clearly male. Broad shoulders, strong muscled arms, and a torso that ended in a sort of 'v' shape like that of a swimmers was covered in a fitted black T-shirt. I continued up and found that I couldn't stop staring at his face once my eyes found it.

I've never seen anyone with a face like his before. He was beautiful, but not in a girly, feminine way. He has a strong jawline and bow shaped lips. His skin is tanned, complimenting his long, curling blonde hair that reaches passed his ears. The boy looked up at me through long, dark blonde eyelashes, setting the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen on me. They are a gleaming gold color with tiny flecks of amber and honey brown. For the first time in a long time my fingers ached to pick up a pencil and draw.

"Clary?" The boy asked, his eyebrows furrowing together as he looked at me. I've heard that voice before, I absolutely know it. The name was at the edge of my mind, just on the tip of my tongue, and then the light started to fade. The last thing I saw was his gold eyes staring at me with concern. "Jace!" I said with a start. That's Jace Herondale. "Is there a problem Clary?" Mr. Lightwood asked. I hadn't even noticed that class had started. I felt the tops of my ears heat before the heat spread through the rest of my face, "No," I muttered as I shook my head. "Okay... now, as I was saying..." Mr. Lightwood started back into his speech, but just like before, I ignored his words. I was far too distracted with my own thoughts to listen to his.

Mr. Lightwood's class felt like an eternity as time ticked by. After what felt like ten hours the bell rang, dismissing us from class. "Clary," Jace called when Iz and I started leaving. I grabbed my walking stick as I continued on through the hall. "Hey," Jace said, this time closer. He gently grabbed my wrist and pulled me to a stop, "can I talk with you?" I waited for a moment, hoping that Izzy would help me get out of this, make up some lame excuse or something, but she didn't. Why would she anyways? Iz doesn't know anything that happened with Jace, and she most certainly doesn't know about what happened during third period.

"Uh, sure," I answered, still unsure if it was the right time or not. All I wanted was to go back to homeroom with Iz and talk about what just happened, its just my luck that homeroom isn't required. It doesn't matter anyways, I'll have to talk to Jace sooner or later anyways. Now is as good a time as any I guess. "I'll meet you back at the dorm later Iz," I said in her direction. "Sure," Iz said to me. "Don't do anything bad Jace or I'll hear about it, and you don't want to know what I'll do to you if you hurt Clary," Izzy said before giving me a quick hug goodbye. "I promise," Jace said, sounding more than a little scared and to be honest I don't blame him. I love Iz, but I don't think I ever want to be on her bad side.

Author's Note:

hey guys! I know I'm a little late, sorry about that. So I finished my finals! Yay! Passed all of them and now I have to go to a whole new schedule of classes that I don't want! Fun, fun, fun right? Sophomore year is much harder than freshman, that's for sure lol. Now, the next chapter, as you guys have probably already guess, will be where they have a 'talk'. I'm not quite sure if I should have anything come out of it, what do you guys think, too early? Oh, I also have a new story out, Pets, so if I don't update this story one week, I probably updated that onenstead. I'm thinking of alternating them so that it isn't so hard to get deadlines in. my question for this week is what's your favorite story or couple of stories on this site? I love reading a variety of things so I'll try out any of the ones you guys mention. anyways, thank you so much for reading I love you guys so much!

-Haybell

Questions:

MI cra-car: of course I'm going to rant about the Carstair, Jem is my baby! and I get what you mean about the teachers, I've had quite a few. i think that if you get to the point where you do more harm than good at your job, then you should just retire or get a new career, don't ruin for the others. Do you go to school in America?( you don't have to answer that) its just where I'm from, I'm not quite sure if my Americaness shows through my writing or not, hmmmm.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all!

Chapter 9

I See You:

Wednesday

*after school*

Jace led me through the school, his hand brushing gently behind my back to lead me through all the turns, until I felt the cool August breeze on my skin. Its nearing September already, goodbye shorts and hello jackets. Jace brought me over to a nearby bench, and took a seat to my left. I could hear the soft murmur of people in the distance and the crinkle of the leaves attempting to hold tight to tree branches against the wind. I leaned against the back of the bench as I tuned my head in Jace direction. I strained against my black sight, willing myself to see those gold eyes again, but to no avail.

"Ah, Clary?" Jace asked, drawing me out of my daze, "Are you alright?" "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I replied with a shrug of my shoulders. I mean besides the fact that I've been getting flashes of my vision back, I can't seem to concentrate in class, oh and you kissed me then left without a word. Yep, if you ignore all of that I'm peachy-keen. "You just... you looked like you'd seen a ghost in Lightwood's class today," Jace said.

I could hear the creaking of the old wooden bench as he shifted. "Oh... that," I mumbled as I turned my head down, I could practically feel his eyes searching my face. Should I tell him about my seeing again? Would it even matter? I fiddled my hands in my lap as I thought. "Jace," I said tentatively, bringing my face back to search again, I just wanted to see his eyes again.

Jace stayed quiet as he listened for me to go on. "Do you remember when I told you that the doctors said I had a very slim chance of ever getting my sight back?" I questioned, waiting for him to mumble his reply of 'yes'. I had explained the condition of my eyes to Iz and Jace on the very first day, from the car crash to the months of failed therapy. I placed my hands forward and Jace gently took up my hands in his, they were smooth and assuring, giving me the strength to continue.

"Yesterday when I was sent to the nurse's office it wasn't because I was hurt... I, I saw Izzy. I freaked and Iz helped me get out of gym to cool down. No one knows but us... and now you. But that's not all..." Jace's grip on my hands tightened, his thumb gently stroking the back of my hand as he waited for me to continue. Tears filled my eyes as I longed to see that beautiful shade of gold again, "Today in Mr. Lightwood's class I saw you."

Jace pulled me close, his arms wrapping around me in excitement, "That's great news Clary! You... you could see again soon." Jace pulled back as he held me at arms length, tucking my hair back behind my ears. "Its amazing," he breathed out as he wiped at the tears that trickled down my face. I sucked in a breath as I fought back the ugly, ragged breathes that threatened to come along with my tears. I was an ugly crier and I knew it.

I wiped my fists across my eyes as my tears flowed, "But, but what if... what if I don't?" I sobbed, my gut wrenching at the thought. Would I always be tortured with these brief glimpses of light, never knowing when or why it comes. "Shh," Jace cooed as he ran his hand through my hair in a comforting gesture, my heart clenched at his kindness. I reached up and slowly took my glasses off, turning my face up to catch his face again.

"I just... I want to know. I want to be in control of my own eyes," I sighed as my fists balled up in my skirt. "And you will be," Jace whispered as his thumb strummed across my check bone, then dusted its way across the tiny scars about my eyes. I closed my eyes as a slow flow of tears escaped. Jace pulled me closer until his lips deftly kissed both of my damaged and scarred eyes. "You'll be fine, I promise," whispered as he ran his fingers through my hair again.

Slowly, my eyes opened and I gapped at what I saw. The image wasn't clear, but was instead foggy and blurred at the edges. The sharp ridges of his cheekbones, his soft, bow lips agape, the gentle arch of his blonde brows, and curling blonde locks that tumbled around his face filled my eyes. Everything was soft and watery like a reflection in a moving body of water. At last I focused on the brilliant gold irises that reflected mine. Tears brimmed in my eyes again, but these weren't filled with sadness or bitter disappointment. These were ones of pure joy.

"I see you," I gasped as my eyes trained on his face, I wanted to remember this, every last detail. His lips turned up in a small smile before being engulfed in a toothy grin. He was perfect, without a single flaw, and then I saw that crazed grin of his. He had a small chip in his right incisor tooth. Without realising it I reached forward and brushed my hand across his cheek and down his neck before reaching back to run the tips of my fingers through his soft hair. Jace closed his eyes as I did this, a soft smile playing at his lips. "Would it be absolutely ludicrous if I asked to kiss you right now?" Jace questioned, his dark blonde lashes parting to reveal those beautiful gold eyes again. I couldn't help but smile as I leaned in. "No," I laughed, merely inches from his lips now. "Good," Jace whispered as he drew me closer. He pulled me so that I had to rest my hands atop his chest to keep from falling. His left hand rested gently on my lower back, the right cupping my face as he lowered his lips onto mine.

I held my breath in anticipation before melting against the soft feel of his mouth. His eyes were closed, those dark blonde eyelashes fluttering against the tops of his cheeks, and against all my best efforts to hold onto this sight, my eyes shut to face a darkness I brought to myself. I slid one hand up, curling it in his soft blonde curls as his lips continued to move in time with mine. I let out a sigh as all of my earlier emotions subsided. I didn't have to be afraid of trusting Jace. I didn't have to worry about my sight going in and out. I didn't have to worry about anything. I was drowning, and for the first time in a long time, I let myself.

Author's Note:

Hey guys! I hope you guys liked this chapter as much as I had fun writing it! NOw I know that this has nothing to do with my story, but if you have the time keep pray for Paris and anywhere else that has been attacked or will be attacked in the future, and if you don't believe in that please keep them in mind. I can never understand why people would even begin to think that harming anyone will get them anywhere. If you want something there are always much better ways of achieving it. On a more happier note, thank you soooo much for reading and I love you all! Have a great Thanksgiving (for those of you from America) and if not have a great rest of the week!

-Haybell


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all!

Chapter 10

Fulfilled:

*Wednesday night*

I wondered about on my way to my dorm room after meeting with Jace. I listened to the familiar taps of my walking stick and the night noises I've now grown accustomed to. I was born and raised in the bustling city of Manhattan, New York. A place filled with the sound of movement during the day and late into the night. When I first came to this school it had been hard to get to sleep without the noise, and now I've found the quiet to be calming.

I pulled my school blazer tighter around me when the breeze picked up, it really is starting to get colder, especially at night. My thoughts turned to my mom then, she'd probably be fussing over how I needed to start bundling up. 'I don't want to here you whining when you get sick!' She'd say whenever I complained about her putting too many layers on me. My heart ached as I thought of her. I missed the way she always smelled of fresh strawberries and acrylic paint and the sound of her brush stokes as she worked on her latest piece. I missed the way she made coffee in the morning, and always insisted on brushing my hair before bed. But I missed the feel of her most. The way her thin arms would wrap around me and I knew there was absolutely nothing that could reach me with her there. My eyes filled with tears as I quickened my pace to the dorm. All I wanted at the moment was to curl up on my bed and talk with Jon. He always knew what to say.

*At Dorm Room*

When I got to my room I found it empty, Iz must be in the bathrooms. I made my way across the room until I was laying out on top of my bed and reached into the pocket of my blazer, pulling my phone out. I went to voice dial and said Jon's name to listen to the familiar dial tone. "Hey," Jon answered after the third ring, "miss me already do ya?" I felt my homesickness dissipate as I listened to his calming laughter. I sunk farther into my bed, curling my feet up behind me as I pressed the phone closer. "As if," I laughed, hoping he wouldn't see through my lies, "Just making sure you haven't forgotten about your favorite sister." Jon chuckled at that, "Okay... first, you're my only sister, and second, its impossible to forget you." "Awww," I teased before he could cut me off. "You're way too annoying for that to happen," he poked. "Hey!" I yelled at the phone, completely uncaring of my other dorm members hearing.

"So really, what's wrong?"Jonathan asked, his playful demeanor turning to one of concern and seriousness, "You never call this late over nothing." I sighed into the phone, "I suppose you won't believe me if I said I just wanted to hear you." Jon just scoffed in the phone, "I know, I know. I'm unbelievably good looking but you're my sister Clary, I'm afraid that's as far as we'll ever go." I pretended to gag as he laughed, "gross, just... no. That right there is definitely on the other side of those uncrossable lines, like way, way on the other side." "See, now why don't you tell me why you really called," I could practically see Jon standing there with one eyebrow raised, his arms crossed firmly over his chest, as he stares down at me with that 'mom look'.

I rolled over onto my back as I listened to the empty room around me. If I wanted a chance to tell Jon in privacy, now would be the best, if not only chance I'd have. "Hey Jon... what would you do if you had a secret that you knew could possibly hurt those you love?" I laid there with my eyes closed tight as I worried at my lip, waiting for Jon's reply. Jon cleared his throat and I could tell he was trying to find the right words to say, "Well, that all depends. Sometimes secrets are meant to be kept, other times it just takes a while to find the right time. I guess that's up to you, you're a big girl now Clary, I'm sure you'll find the right answer to your question on your own."

My heart ached again as I listened to Jon's cool and calming voice. All I wanted at the moment was to have him hug me the way he always did when I was too overwhelmed. I'm the youngest. I've always, always had Jon there to protect me. When kids teased me over my hair he was there, when I would get hurt he was there, when I was scared he was there, no matter the case I can't ever remember Jonathan not being there. The whole thing is overwhelming, yet I know its something only I can decide, just as Jon said.

I took in a breath before starting, "You can't tell Mom yet, she'll freak, but I think I'm getting my sight back..." I could hear Jon's sharp intake of breath at what I had just told him and then waited patiently for him to speak. "You... you're sure? Like absolutely sure?" Jon asked, his voice on the fence between excitement and rationality. I then explained to him all the times I had been able to see, save for the extra bits about Jace. One bomb was good enough for now.

"That's... that's a miracle Clare-bear. I just, its kind of hard to believe," Jon let out a humorless chuckle at that, "What do you think about it?" I sat there for a moment, I hadn't actually thought about that. What would I do with my sight back, I'd probably have to leave this school and never see Iz or Jace again. I'd get to go back to my old life, but even that isn't normal anymore. I've gone months now without my sight, and I've actually gotten used to it by now, what will it be like to have to see everything this world has to offer. There's so much bad in the world, so many things I don't ever want to see, yet at the same time there are many things I'd still like to see. I guess if its up to me I'll just let it happen. I've gone this far without my sight and so many others are able to do the same. "To be honest I don't care either way, it would be nice to see again, but I'll manage both ways," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. I could hear Jon sigh into the phone, "I'm glad. To tell you the truth I was afraid you wouldn't like it at your school, I even tried to talk mom out of it, but I guess its helped." "Yup," I laughed as I relaxed back into my bed. I had been so nervous about explaining what was happening to Jon, but now that its out of the way I can't think of why I had been worried in the first place. Everything was so normal and easy with Jon.

We talked for another half hour about absolutely nothing and everything until Iz came back with dinner. Apparently she thought we needed a bunch of everything. Chinese food, pizza, sandwiches, pastas, tacos, ice cream, candies, sodas, teas, and coffees. She had five bags filled to the brim as she walked in and I could hear the loud ruckus of her trying to carry everything and shut the door at the same time. Really Iz was just having a monthly visit and couldn't decide on anything. And to be honest I didn't mind, and neither did Emma, Maureen, Maia, Cecily, Sophie, Camille, and Jessamine. Just about all the girls on our end of the dorm were here, it was a nice and welcoming change to the usual quiet and Iz certainly made use of that. All the girls agreed to do this every other Wednesday, a girls night if you will. I went to bed that night, feeling full in every sense.

Author's Note: hey guys, Im sooo sorry this chapter was so late, I've been really busy. I turned sixteen, got my drivers permit, school, drama, just a whole bunch a stuff. Anywho, I hope you can all forgive me. So, Jon knows now, what do you guys think about that? I always love hearing what you guys think, it helps me know if I'm going in the right and for those of you who read my other story, Pets, I'm planing on updating it this weekend like I normally would, hopefully. I have a whole lot of family this what with Christmas coming. Speaking of, what's you're favorite thing about Christmas and what do you guys want? I personally love the snow, and love more books or a Panic at the Disco! CD. Well, that's it for now guys, I love you all and thank you for reading!

-Haybell


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all!

Chapter 11

No Luck:

Friday

*at dorm room*

Early this morning I got the strange urge to pick up a pencil and draw, so with Izzy's help I had everything set up. She had left soon after to have breakfast with her family with words of good luck. That was nearly an hour ago and here I sat with nothing but a blank page. I focused down at the pad of drawing paper in my lap, my fingers brushing on the smooth paper as I urged myself to see it, yet nothing happened.

I let out a sigh as I dropped the pencil from my hand once again. It dropped from my bed to the floor, rolling across to some unknown place. I groaned as I heaved myself out of bed and brushed my hands across the floor until I had found the pencil. I sat there on the floor, pencil in hand, feeling frustrated and tired. How Jon can believe that I'll get back into drawing, I have no idea. Yesterday was Thursday, meaning I had an Art class with Mr. Bane, meaning he nagged to me about all this potential talent I had and how I just had to wait for it all to come back to me. Sure.

I was picking myself off the floor when a knock struck up "Its open!" I called as I brushed myself off. Today I was able to wear pants, and I swear I will never take them for granted again. I never knew how difficult it was to wear skirts all the time. First, I'm not the most 'lady-like' and always end up forgetting that if I sit certain ways, I will be showing off more than anyone needs to see. Second, Its getting cold. And third, well there doesn't need to be a third, skirts just aren't meant for day to day to day. I was standing in front of my bed by the time the door had opened and now inclined my head toward the guest to hear them better.

"Hey," a distinctly male voice said. "Jace?" I asked as I furrowed my brows, I thought he would have been eating breakfast with Iz, they are family after all. Jace chuckled at that, "What, do you have other male visitors that I should be aware of?" "So what if I do?" I retorted, "I'm sure you have other females." "Lots I'm afraid, sometimes I have to beat them back with a stick just to be alone. You should be honored that I'm even here," Jace replied in that cocky way of his.

"Mmhmm, I'm sure you do," I hummed as I tried to keep from smiling, "So, what do you want?" "How quickly you try to get rid of me!" Jace scoffed, "Really, I thought you had better manners than that." I shook my head at him, but not before I could hide my smile at his idiocy. "That's not what I meant and you know it," I laughed as I found my drawing pad and placed the pencil within its spine. "I just came to check on you," Jace said, his voice softer now, "Izzy said that you were drawing, I wanted to see how that was going."

"Oh," I said as I wrapped my free arm around myself and pulled my book closer to me. I've always been self conscious about my works, because in all honesty they weren't just pictures to me. My drawings are like pages of a diary, a book only a select few, if not none, can read. "Do you mind if I take a look?" Jace asked, I could hear the floor creak under his weight as he stepped closer. Instinctively I pulled my book closer and Jace's steps ceased. "I-I'm sorry, I just... I don't," I stuttered as I tried to find the right words, but my vocabulary was failing me at the moment. "Its alright Clary," Jace laughed it off but I could tell he was hurt by my lack of trust "There's always next time, right?"

"Always next time for what?" A voice asked from the door. The familiar scent of vanilla, and the jangling of jewelry and the clack of her heels across the floor let me know Iz was here. I relaxed a bit knowing she was with us. Iz I knew. Iz I could trust. But Jace I'm still not sure yet. He's cocky and mischievous and I know there is something he is hiding from me, and I know it cant be too good if Iz is capable of holding such a grudge on him. But he is also funny and sweet, and somehow he always knows what to say to make me feel... to make me feel like me. Not the blind me, or the weak me, but simply me.

"Always next time for me to grace you with my presence. Sorry Izzy, but I'll have to cut our visit short today. Things to do. Places to be. People to see. Goodbye Clary, and I hope you find what you're looking for," Jace said as he left our room. "Geesh," Iz huffed as she walked over to me, "Just looking at him pisses me off." "Woe now Iz," I laughed as I reached for her, "no need to take out the claws." I know," Iz said as he she took up my hands, "I've just been in this funk lately and he only makes it worse. Things aren't looking too good for Alec right now."

I could hear the sadness in her voice as her thoughts shifted to her older brother Alec. Not too long ago Alec came out to their parents as gay, and by the sound of it things didn't go to well. Alec had been dating Magnus Bane, our art teacher, for some time before that and the two of them decided to try again with getting the Lightwood parents on board. Iz thinks they're going to get married sometime soon and that's the real reason why Alec is so set on getting their parent's consent. Turns out that meeting was a flop as well.

"Hey, I know what will make this better," I said as I clutched onto Izzy's hands tighter, "What do you say we go shopping, it'll take your mind off of it?" I could practically feel the excitement buzzing through her, "Really!?" If there was anything that could cheer Iz up it would be shopping. "Yes really," I laughed. My mom has been nagging me for years now to be more like a teenage girl. 'Come on Clary, in sure this dress will look perfect on you,' or 'Clary this lipstick is just the perfect shade for you.' Now is as good a time as any to be a a real girl.

Author's note:

Hey guys! I hope you all had a lovely Christmas or whatever you celebrate and have any of you gotten much snow. Where I'm from its usually coming down pretty hard by now and there are school cancelations left and right, but this year is pathetic. Its only snowed like three times total and only for an hour or two! :( if you hadn't guessed already winter is my favorite season, what's your guys's? Anyways I hope you guys liked this chapter, and I even put a bit of Malec info in there for you. Hopefully on the next chapter I'll get Iz to spill on what's so bad about Jace, and we get to have some girl time between the two. i think that's it for now, thank you for reading!

-Haybell


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all!

Chapter 12

Falling:

Friday

Iz and I walked to the outskirts of the school's dorm where busses take students and teachers to town. Alicante Prep in located in a town I'd never heard of until Mom and Luke discovered it named Idris. Alicante Prep is in a small, secluded area of land within Idris, with nothing much besides the school itself, trees, and the people within it. A small road leads out of Alicante's grounds, a road which hardly anyone uses, to the town of Idris. The only times traffic is somewhat busy at Alicante Prep is the beginning of the year when students are arriving, and the end when students are leaving. Students are prohibited from leaving the school grounds for anywhere other than Idris for safety purposes, and when we do leave we must always have our school cards and a partner/group.

Iz and I climbed onto one of the buses to find it nearly halfway full. I remember growing up and being told that private schools are better than public schools, but sitting on this bus I couldn't tell the difference from the stomach churning stench of a public school's from the private's. They both smelled of teenage angst, depression, and axe body spray. After about a half hour ride the bus stopped to let everyone out. As we exited off the bus the driver reminded us of the times the bus would be back to pick us up. There are two buses total, each on an alternating hourly schedule. Half an hour drive, wait twenty minutes for students to board and a ten minute break. The buses run from noon to nine Friday-Sunday, and three to nine Monday-Thursday. It is currently 12:37p.m., courtesy of Izzy.

Iz squealed with delight as we walked into Idris's mall, it took a little over five minutes to walk from the bus stop to here, but that little bit of time helped clear Izzy's mind of the not so spectacular outcome of this mornings brunch. "Oh Clary I know just what we need to do!" Iz cheered as she dragged me forward and through a store that played a poppy music. I had no idea what the song was, only that it had a simple beat that was easy to catch. We spent nearly half an hour in this store alone, and if I thought shopping with my mom was bad, going with Izzy is even worse. I probably tried on fifty outfits of Izzy's choice. I felt like I was going through a revolving door repeatedly with her. Iz hands me an outfit, I try it on in the dressing room, I walk out to show her, and then the process repeats itself.

I have to admit though shopping with Iz feels more like an exercise than the regular clothes shopping I'm used to, it certainly is more fun. We exited the store with three full bags and Iz still wasn't satisfied. We entered four other clothes store, two shoe stores, a beauty product store, a ladies store where I was almost made to try on underwear that felt more like dental floss, and then we got our nails and hair done in a beauty parlor. I relaxed in the tall and comfortable leather chair as my hair was being dried.

"I so needed this," Iz sighed next to me, I heard the foil in her hair crinkle as she turned to me. Iz had decided to get deep purple and indigo highlights throughout her deep brown, almost black hair, while I chose to just have my hair trimmed and styled. "No annoying boys, no pressuring school, and definitely no unsupportive parents, by the Angel we should have done this sooner!" Iz laughed. It was her full and hearty laugh that moved all throughout her, most importantly it was genuine. I haven't heard her laugh like that since my first day of school. A part of me wanted to keep this moment like this, happy and carefree, but a thought kept nagging at the back of my mind.

"Hey Iz?" I questioned, I already felt guilty for what I was about to ask. "Hmm,' Izzy hummed in reply. "Why do you dislike Jace so much?" I said in one breath. I bit at my lip as I waited for Izzy's reply. "Is it that obvious," Iz laughed without humor. I heard her let out a sigh before she shifted towards me. The scent of ammonia in her hair dye grew stronger as she leaned closer to me. "Jace and I used to be pretty close, I used to trust him with just about anything. If something were to go wrong Jace and Alec would be the first to know and the first to react. He was like an older brother to me," Iz said, she sounded almost pained towards the end, almost as if she wanted that feeling back, and I suppose I couldn't blame her. If Jon were to do something bad enough to lose my trust I would want for us to go back to the way we were before immediately.

"Three years ago Jace was in charge of something very precious to me, to all of us really. Alec was away at college and my parents and I had to leave for a doctors appointment. The doctors thought the had found a surgery that was a possible match for saving my eyes. We had to see a specialist a few hours away. Jace was living with us at the time, had been for about five years before that, and he convinced my parents into letting him stay home with our little brother Max," Iz choked up here and had to take a moment to calm herself. I did the math a figured out that three years ago would put Izzy at 13 and Jace at fourteen,and then it hit me... Iz said Jace was in charge of watching her little brothers. I hadn't known she'd had another brother.

"We were headed back from the doctor's appointment when we got the call," Iz continued, "Jace had taken Max out to play in the yard, they were playing hide and seek, it was Max's favorite. Jace couldn't find him, he searched for over an hour, but by the time he found Max it was too late. Max had climbed one of the trees in our yard, and he... he must have slipped or something, but he ah... he fell. He had knocked himself out so he couldn't call out for help or answer Jace." Iz was breathing heavily by now and I expected tears to come soon, I myself was already crying as her story played out in my mind. "By the time the ambulance had came there wasn't much for the EMTs to do. When he fell he injured a connection with his brain, he was still breathing when they found him, but he can't walk, can't move, can't speak, he cant do anything on his own. His injury is too big to heal on its own and the doctors don't have the necessary technology and equipment to fix it surgically. Max was only seven. He hasn't moved on his own for three years. He isn't able to do what normal ten year olds are capable, and he might never be able to because of Jace."

I heard the sharp intake of breath from Iz as she tried to stop her tears from flowing. I reached over and took up Izzy's hand and held it tightly as we sat there with silent tears. There were so many things I could have said, so many things I could try to say to comfort her, but I merely held her hand until it was time to wash out her hair and take the curlers out of mine. Iz had heard it all, every apology and words of optimism for this, and right now she didn't need to hear more. She knew all too well about this situation and sugar coating it would help nothing. All she needed at the moment was something to ground her and keep her from floating away into a dark emptiness of regret. And I would do just that.

Author's Note:

Hey guys! Sorry for the delay, but I was having a difficult time writing this chapter, I wasn't quite sure on how I should write ts one, but this is the outcome I decided on after trying and trying. So I hope you can forgive me, both for the delay and for the bad news in this chapter. But hey, now we know why Iz doesn't like Jace! That's something right? So anyway please leave a comment what you thout about this chapter, and I guess that's it for now. I love you all and thank you for reading!

-Haybell


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all!

Chapter 13

Repercussions:

Saturday

Its strange to think that I've been at this school for a week already, but its true. A part of me isn't sure how to feel about that. I mean should I be upset about being away from my family and home for a week, or should I be excited for the same reason? By the angel teenage feelings are complicated. Adult or child, child or adult? Its so hard to choose between the two. Sometimes I feel like curling up next to my mom with Luke next to her and Jon next to me as we watch a movie, and other times I feel free to not have to worry about doing everything I'm told. Urgh, its so frustrating sometimes.

"Do you ever feel like a grown up child sometimes?" I asked in Iz's direction. She had me sitting at her vanity as she played with my hair, apparently we have a party tonight and jeans and a tee won't cut it for Iz. Iz hummed around the bobby pins she had placed between her teeth as she thought. "I guess sometimes, but that really isn't anything you should be worried about right now. Tonight is a big night, everyone will be there! You have to look your best," Iz somehow managed to say. "Fine," I sighed, "but I really don't think I need to get this 'dolled up.'" "Oh trust me, you'll thank me later," Izzy laughed as she tucked in another bobby pin.

Every year Idris Prep holds a big beginning of the year party for all the students. There are games and movies set up for the younger kids in one half of the school and the other half is reserved for the older group where a large dance is held. Iz has been going on and on about it all day. I guess that was why she had me try on so many dresses last night. They always have great music and all the cute guys are there. And someone always manages to sneak in a few bottles of alcohol to dump into the punch. I suppose all the teachers look the other way for this, sometimes there are perks to being different.

"Okay!" Iz cheered gleefully, "you look perfect!" I felt my hair and could tell right away the reason for all her hard work. Iz had somehow managed to tame my crazed curls into soft ringlets, instead of being in tight and crooked curls they hung softly to the middle of my back. I hadn't even realised my hair was that long until now! That alone was an accomplishment deserving of praise. She had pulled and braided up half of my hair into a sort of crown around my head, I had no idea what it looked like, but from I loved it from the feel of it.

"Thank you so much, Iz," I said as I turned around in the chair to face her. "No prob, now scooch hun, I've still gotta do my makeup," Izzy laughed as she gently pulled me up by my arms, "Now go get dressed, I already put your dress on your bed." "Thanks Mom," I teased as I headed over to my bed. Iz just laughed before the rustling noise of her picking through her many cosmetics pricked my ears. Iz and I had settled on a shimmery gold dress that stopped mid thigh, it had an open back and a gold ribbon at the top paired with simple black wedges. At first I had been wary about the heels, but within moments that subsided. I had never been this tall before, ever!

After a good ten minutes Iz was finished with her hair and makeup, and was now ready for us to head to the dance. My stomach filled with butterflies as we headed down the dorm hall arm in arm. Iz had convinced me to leave my walking stick in our room, it wouldn't be very use full in a crowded space filled with dancing bodies anyways, right? Everything is going to be perfectly fine right? I was just about to ask to head back and get my walking stick. I always feel lost without it without fail, you could say that after the incident it became a sort of... safety blanket. Yeah, it was my safety blanket, but a low whistle and a groan from Iz stopped me.

Iz and I were already outside the doors of the dance, I could even feel the vibrations from the music from here. Someone cleared their throat as they stepped closer and I felt Iz lean closer to me as she shifted her feet. "Clary," Jace's voice rose up above the noise, he sounded more than surprised. I could already feel the grin spreading across my face, and I knew I should feel more guilty than what I did after what Iz shared with me last night, but... I didn't.

Jace is complicated. He is stupidly charming, full of himself, a tad bit overly romantic, and has a playboyish way of speaking, but he's more than just that. He has been nothing but nice to me, even when I was nobody but a stranger to him. He has been open-minded with my situation, and hasn't rejected me for my hesitancy. He backs off when I need him to, and he's there when I need him to, even when I don't realise it. And most importantly, he does feel guilty for what happened. He blames himself, even when it wasn't his fault, and takes all of the blame without complaint. Yes he may have made a mistake, but he was young and it could have happened to anyone. He doesn't deserve to be punished to this extent.

"Hey," I answered, smiling in his direction. I heard Iz giggle as Jace cleared his throat again, "Are you getting sick or something Jace? Because you sound kind of... odd." Izzy snorted at that and I heard a choking sort of noise from Jace, he really must be coming down with something. Iz let go of my arm as she walked forward, "I'm going to get us some drinks, okay? Jace, keep an eye on Clary for me, oh and don't let her get too far," Iz said as she gabbed me by the wrist and placed my hand in his, "She doesn't have her walking stick, she could get lost in here." "Okay," Jace said as he gripped my hand, his voice was starting to sound normal. "No backing out now," Iz laughed, "Oh and Jace?" "Yeah?" He questioned. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do," she called as she left.

Jace stood there for a moment without saying anything, he seemed to be clearing his head or something. "Do you need to sit down for a minute?" I asked when his silence became too much for me. "Huh, oh, no," Jace said with a shaking of his head. "Do you want to dance?" He asked as he led me towards the entrance of the dance. "Sure," I replied with a shrug of my shoulders, "but I have to warn you, I'm not very good at this thing. Dancing I mean." And I wasn't. The closest I've ever gotten to dancing was with friends and the times when Jon taught me to slow dance, and sometimes when I get a little too into my shower singing. "You can't be that bad," Jace laughed as he guided me through the throngs of people. "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you when you're feet get bruised," I said just as he found a clear spot.

We had made it through three songs, bouncing around and moving to the fast beat of the music when it came an end and a slow, cheesy, highschool slow dance song replaced it. "We can stop if you don't..." he had started to say when I shook my head and reached for him. "Its alright, I mean I get to prove to you just how horrid my dancing is now, right?" I laughed. "And I can prove to you that all it takes is the right partner," Jace countered. Gently, he held my hands and slid them up his chest until they rested behind his neck. Without realising it I had stepped closer, and I could now feel his chest against mine with each breath. Jace placed his hands on my hips and swayed us side to side the way everyone does with these songs. We were dancing, but at the same time we weren't.

We were doing the same thing I had always found so cheesy and stupid, I mean what girl wants to have to stand in a crowded, hot room stepping side to side with a song that probably came from the 80s in the background? I certainly didn't, but in that instant it was different. For those few minutes the song lasted I understood the point of this dreadful thing known as a 'highschool slow dance'. It made me feel dizzy and my body felt tingly like tiny sparks were bursting from every surface of my body. I could feel Jace all around me, I felt like I was breathing him in, like he was melting into me. Everywhere he touched me burned, and yet I didn't want it to stop. It felt like the sharp sting of a hot bath that grew more relaxing and comforting with every second.

Again the feeling of drowning engulfed me, and yet again I wanted it to. Jace leaned forward and I felt his soft hair brush against my face and then his forehead rested against mine. I could smell his Cologne, it was like fresh soap and sunshine. It was an all consuming, dizzying combination. "Clary?" Jace whispered. "Hmm," I hummed, not trusting my voice at the moment. "Would you mind..." he had started to ask, but he didn't need to finished. I tilted my head up until the few inches between our lips disappeared and he instantly reacted.

His lips moved against mine like a light dusting of rain. His kisses were soft, but fast and my mind grew fuzzy. My senses took in everything around me, the feel of his grip tightening around my waist as one hand snaked up to pull me closer, the velvety feel of his hair between my fingers. His scent surrounded me and the music floated through me, erasing any and all other sounds around us. I was vaguely aware of the stares around us, and a part if me knew that I should be more self conscious about this. I mean there is no backing out after this, everyone in school would hear about this, and everyone would know that something was going on between us, something that even I'm not sure about.

Jace and I are friends, that much I know, but will he want more? Will he allow more or is he just going to use me up to discard me in the end. A part of my brain kept telling me to back out now before I was left hurt from this, before anything could really form and leave me scarred, but I didn't. I simply stood there wrapped around him, waiting for the repercussions to fall around me.

Author's Note:

Hey guys! I hope you all had a wonderfup Valentine's Day, in honor of that I decided to give a little 'push' to our Clace development, I hope you guys liked it! I also want to apologize for the delay, I've had a lot going on and all this week I will have finals so i still wont have a bunch of time to be writing for you guys, now i know this isnt a good excuse but these things simply have to come first, i hope you all can forgive me for the next couple of delayed chapters. oh and a little advertisement for Maureen Johnson. I just finished her 2nd book in the Shades of London series, the Madness Underneath. These books are absolutely amazing and I highly recommend them. They have completely relatable characters, beautiful settings, amazing scenarios, and they really keep me attached. I won't have any spoilers, but the end of the second book completely broke me, which is quite amazing, yet horrifically terrible. You guys will love it! Anyways, I love you all and thank you so much for reading!

-Haybell


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all!

Chapter 14

Descent:

Saturday Night

I'm not quite sure who broke from the kiss first, only that I was out of breath and lightheaded by the end of it. I locked my hands around the back of Jace's neck as I tried to steady myself, resting my forehead on his chest as I closed my eyes tightly. Once again I was aware of all the stares of everyone around us, but that wasn't even the cause of my panic. The entire time I was kissing Jace... even the thought of kissing him made me want to do it again, by the angel get yourself together! Anyway, the entire time I had felt bright lights against my eyes, it wasn't a painful sort of light like when you get a massive headache or a bright led flashlight is shined directly into your eyes, it was more like I was aware of the light around me.

I had opened my eyes and I could see it. Everything was blurry and out of focus, but it was there. The dancing bodies of people I didn't know from sight, the red and gold colors of our school were painted and striped along the walls with the words 'Idris Prep' in the center of the far wall. Streamers and balloons hung from the walls as well as the ceiling and long tables with red and gold coverings lined up against a wall with punch bowls and snacks. The bright light had been a rotating rainbow colored strobe light that hung from the ceiling, casting peculiar colors on everyone, changing their normal colorings to purples and greens, oranges and blues.

I tried to focus in on Jace's face, the way his golden lashes fluttered against his cheeks as he kissed me. His face looked so calm, so at ease... so beautiful. I was almost able to distract myself, but the sudden bombardment of color made me feel sick to my stomach. I still had the dizzying feeling from earlier, only this time I'm not so sure its just from the kissing. "Hey, are you alright?" Jace asked as he pulled me closer and led me off the dance floor.

Slowly, I shook my head, not trust in my voice to come out evenly at the moment. I concentrated on the floor, that was simple enough right? The floor was made of white speckled tiles with even more gold etchings. The etchings were in curling and swirling designs, none that I had ever seen before, but they were much more calming than everything else around me. My stomach was still churning but my head was starting to clear as Jace led me away.

One of his hands rested gently but firmly on my back to keep me from falling while the other held my hand as he steered me through the halls and out into the school grounds. The cool night air hit me all at once as I sipped in calming breathes. Jace brought me over to a nearby bench and helped me down before kneeling down in front of me. He took up both of my hands, soothingly rubbing them until I had calmed myself. This was stupid, and I knew it. I'm going to be the crazy girl who makes a big scene after being kissed for all of the attention. That's what he was going to think of me now.

Tears filled my eye and I quickly looked up at the sky to hide them. Even with everything blurry and weird I could still make out the stars. It has been quite a bit of time since I've been able to sit out and watch the stars, so long I hadn't even realised how much I missed them. I missed the way they could look so bright, so close and brilliant, yet be so so far away. Jon and I used to sit outside on an old blanket and watch the stars. He would point out constellations for me and tell me stories about them while I drew them out. One night Luke even took us to a planetarium where we could see all of the constellations no matter the time of the year. I remember being so excited to go home and try to find those constellations all on my own.

I was laughing before I even knew it. It wasn't a normal laugh, it came out crazed and hysterical and to be honest I truly didn't care if anyone heard it. Hot, fat tears streamed down my face, most likely ruining the makeup Iz so skillfully applied as I laughed like a mad woman, and Jace remained kneeling there, holding onto my hands as if I were about to float away at any moment, and to be honest I probably could. Nothing felt real to me in that moment, yet everything was so shockingly real. All the pressures and frustrations. All the rehabilitions and exercises. All the countless half hearted optimism. All the disappointment and anger. It all can crashing down around me. It reminded me of Atlas and the great weight of the world he was burdened with, all of those lives rested on his shoulders and only he is faced with the struggles to withstand it.

Ever since my accident I wanted my eyes back, I wanted them so badly and now that it was possibly happening I couldn't handle it! How does that even make sense? In what realm of rationality does me regaining my sight lead to me going mad with it!? "I never wanted any of this..." I whispered to myself as I tried to stop laughing. "All I wanted was to grow up normal. To go to art school. To have a normal life and now look at me. Seriously look at me!" I yelled, I'm not even sure who I was yelling at, only that the words were pouring out of me.

"Why couldn't he have gone blind!? Why couldn't he have just stayed home and drank!? Its all his fault, all of it! Now I'm blind and my mom feels guilty. She was there with me, did I tell you? She was there for the whole thing, but she only left with a few cuts and a minor concussion. 'It should have been me who was hurt.' 'It should have been me to lose my eyes.' 'My poor baby girl, my poor Clary, it should have been me.' That's what she says all the time. Mom doesn't think I can hear her, oh but I can hear for sure. It was the eyes that went, not the ears. I heard all of it! Even my mom can't accept this! Jon is the only one who did, but he had to leave for college, that's the real reason why I'm here, and now I can't even handle getting my sight back!" I couldn't hold back my sobs anymore, I didn't even try.

"You and Iz seem to have everything planned out. You know how to get through everything, you know what your going to be doing, you know who you are and I'm just stuck. By the Angel I'm so stupid! I'm so so stupid!" I sobbed and sniffled. I felt tired all of a sudden now that all of those pent up emotions were out there in the open, out there for anyone and everyone to know. I looked down at Jace to see he had a neutral expression in place. There wasn't pity or anger, he merely seemed to be listening.

I took one of my hands from his and wiped at my eyes as I tried to somewhat regain myself. Jace took in a deep breath through his nose and let it out through his mouth before leaning forward and wrapping his arms around me in a warm embrace. "I'm not going to tell you anything you don't already know," he whispered as he pulled me against him. Already, I felt my body relaxing as I took him in. He must be some kind of drug to be able to do this, to be able to calm me so quickly.

"All you need is people to help you through this, because whether you like it our not, something is happening. You may not like this, but you may need to go to your doctor soon, they might be able to find out what's happening. Until then I need you to know I'll be here to help you, you can't shake me that easily, okay." My tears had slowly ebbed away to a soft trickle as I rested my head in the crook of his shoulder. Gently I nodded my head, I was far too exhausted to speak.

My hands felt numb as I tied to keep ahold of Jace, to keep from slipping away into dream lands. My head drooped now and I had to concentrate really hard to keep from slipping. "Woah there," I heard Jace say, but he sounded far away now. My eyelids felt heavy and I fought to keep them open. I felt my body shift and I looked down to see Jace had scooped me up in his arms and was carrying me back inside. "Don't worry, I'll get you back safely," Jace's voice echoed in that far off way. I was vaguely aware of Jace entering the girls dorm and opening my dorm room after finding it.

Iz had said it was a good idea to leave the door unlocked so that we wouldn't have to worry about bringing our keys with us. And besides, no one is going to be in the dorms, they'll all be at the party, Iz had said. I felt the softness of my bed underneath me then, and soon my shoes were taken off and my covers were pulled up around me. Again I tried to force my eyes open, and again they failed to comply with me. I willed my hand to move, to reach out to Jace. I wanted him to stay just a bit longer, even if I was only going to be asleep. Just knowing he was there was calming enough for me. I'm not sure if I succeed or not, only that the descent into sleep is easy.

Author's Note:

Hey guys! I'm back again! I hope you guys liked this little bit, I know I enjoyed writing it, not to mention it was on time! Anyways, Clace is moving forward quite a bit so you all better be grateful for that, and these next couple chapters might be hard, like in the feels section. I don't know about you guys, but if I were in Clary's position I'd probably react in close to the same way so those emotions are real. There will be doctors up coming, just as Jace said, so that might be a bit tough, I'm not sure yet. I wanted to remind you guys again that I am just as new at this whole subject as many of you, in the writing and reading area at least, so no the medical info won't be as accurate as I'd like it to be, and it might be a but awkward and weird until I get the hang of it. Just stick with me and we'll get there eventually, hopefully! Um, I guess that's it for now so bye! I love you all and thank you for reading!

-Haybell


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns all!

Chapter 15

Dreams:

Sunday

I remember waking up but feeling too warm and comfortable to actually get up. Instead I snuggled back into the covers, not giving a care in the world to what time it was. I dreamed of a warm place filled with bright sunshine, a large meadow filled with wild grasses and brightly colored flowers and a crickling creek not too far away. An old farm house sat in the distance and on the porch swing sat Mom and Luke. Jon was there too of course, he sat on our old tire swing absentmindedly strumming a guitar. I was at the farmhouse.

I sat there in a pair of paint splattered, ripped up jeans, and a Brooklyn Art Academy T-shirt. My hair was pulled back from my face, long, curly red tendrils falling out around my face. I took in a deep calming breath as I stared down at the piece I was working on. It was a charcoal drawing of a young woman with long dark hair falling about her face, casting her long, thin body in shadows. Her arms reached forward and her legs were placed in such a way that she appeared to be dancing. She was oddly familiar.

"Clary," I heard my name being whispered, I quickly turned around, but no one was there, it was almost like the wind itself had called me. "Clary," it called again, this time much louder. A large rumbling noise rose up like thunder and the sky darkened above me, violent purples and threatening blues replaced the once brilliant blue of the sky. I looked back to my family, but they continued on in the light, seemingly unaware of the approaching danger.

"Clary!" The voice called again, this time much, much louder, like a scream. I looked around and around but still found nothing, lighting crackled down from the sky, striking my artwork and casting it into flames. I leapt back, dropping the burning picture as I stared at my now angry red hands. "Clary!" The voice yelled, and this time I knew it. I knew his voice. His is one of the only ones that can seem to calm me now. I turned about to see Jace just a few feet away, bowing down on his knees. He wore a white button up shirt and loose blue jeans and his feet were bare. Tears trickled down his cheeks as he stared up at me. Those golden eyes of his that are always so full of hope and promises, of excitement and acceptance, turned to ones of fear and loathing.

"How could you do this? I thought we were going to help each other? You did this, you did this to me!" Jace screamed and suddenly his tears turned red. Something caught in my throat when I realised he was no longer crying tears, but blood. "You did this!" He yelled over and over again, reaching out to me with nails as sharp as claws. The wind picked up and suddenly I was being pulled to this monstrous Jace. "No! No please!" I yelled as I fell onto my back. I clutched and grabbed at the grass underneath me, but I couldn't get a good grip, and then I felt his claws dig into my legs as he dragged me closer.

"You did this!" He yelled, flipping me over to face him. Blood gushed down his face and his golden eyes were replaced with sunken in, pitch black orbes. "No, no," I cried, still trying to get away. I could still hear the muffled thunder roaring around us, but there in the back was the familiar reving engine of a truck. "No, no!" I yelled, struggling to get away. Jace brought me closer and closer, gleaming yellow headlights made their way toward us, casting this terrible Jace in a sickly light, and then it all disappeared.

I kept my eyes shut tightly, still shaking and crying but a part if me knew somehow. I was warm all of a sudden and pressed tightly against a solid wall of flesh, strong arms wrapped around me to keep me from flailing. I focussed on my breathing, as I nuzzeled into the warm body. Slowly my tears came to an end and my breathing was less ragged. I remained clutching onto the soft T-shirt fabric beneath my fingers as I opened my eyes. A wall of white met my eyes, and I let out a sigh of relief. This kind of sight, though still somewhat new, was better than the one I had before.

"Hey," Jace cooed as he brushed my hair back, "You're alright, it was just a dream. It was all just a bad dream." I tilted my head back to see him, he was still fuzzy and blurry in places, like the fuzzy screen of a static TV, but it was still Jace. I saw his eyes widen in surprise and then soften just as quickly as he brushed my hair back from my face again. "What?" I asked, my brows furrowing. His expression matched that of a small child getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "You saw that?" He asked. I nodded my head, waiting for an answer.

His cheeks grew a slight shade of pink as he avoided eye contact and then back again, "Well... the only times I've ever seen you without your glasses on, when I can actually see your eyes that is, I can never really pay attention to them. I just thought that... well they're beautiful?" I always wear my blackout glasses when I go out in public, the only people who have seen me without them are family, doctors, Iz, and now definitely Jace. My stomach did that same churning thing it always does when I'm around him and he does... we'll practically anything.

I felt my cheeks heat as I shook my head, "No, you're just saying that. Have you looked at them? I mean really looked?" I felt a surge of embarrassment as I brought a hand up to at least cover some of the scaring around my eyes. Jace's eyes softened, but not in a pitying way, just an endearing sort of thing as he cupped my face in one of his hands, my hand now under his. "You are beautiful Clary Morgenstern, absolutely beautiful," Jace whispered before leaning over me and gently kissing the scarred skin around both of my eyes. When he was done he didn't pull back, he simply rested his forehead on mine, absentmindedly strumming his thumb across my cheek.

"My heart tells me this is the best and greatest feeling I have ever had. But my mind knows the difference between wanting what you can't have and wanting what you shouldn't have. And I shouldn't want you. Not right now, right now you're going through too much. I know you need me here for you and not be here to complicate things, but its hard being around you and not having you. I want to say you're mine. I want to be able to help you through anything and everything not just because I feel obligated to as a fellow student, but because we have a closer, stronger connection. I want to be able to see you just to see you and not have to make up ridiculous excuses anymore. By the angel just kill me already, because now I've said too much... I'm afraid of losing you Clary, and lately I get the feeling I might be," Jace said, his golden eyes pouring out with any and all emotions humanly possible.

I swear my heart stopped a moment at those words, and I knew without a doubt that he certainly wasn't faking it. No one could fake that. I didn't have words for what he said, my brain was clutching at nothing, no coherent phrases could form in my mind whatsoever. After a while I opened my mouth to speak, and again nothing came. Jace simply smiled as he grazed his hand across my face and rested it in my hair, playing with the loose curls. My hair was still done the way Iz had made it, just messier from sleep and I still had on my dress from last night, I probably still had makeup on my face, now with a slept in appearance. And yet here Jace was telling me all these things, he must really be insane to have fallen for me. Then again you probably have to, to be with me.

Instead of speaking I did the same thing, my body always feels like doing when I'm with Jace. I tilted my head up, and his down until we met halfway. He sighed as our lips melted together, his whole body relaxed as he pulled me closer to him on my bed. He was kissing me so gently, almost as if he thought I'd break, like he truly thought he'd lose me. I took in all of Jace's appearance then, the rumpled feel of his clothes, the same clothes as yesterday, only now he was wearing his undershirt instead of his dress shirt. His usually tame hair was a wild mess, and he still had that sleepy like quality that I had about me. I had an itching feeling in the back of my mind, like I already knew the answer, but I asked all the same.

I pulled back, taking in a breath of air before asking, "Did you sleep here last night?" Jace had a sheepish grin in place at that before answering, "Yeah, you um... you kinda asked me to. I slept down here on the floor after putting you to bed, but then you started to have a nightmare. I tried to wake you up, but you just pulled me down with you. You stopped having the nightmare as long as I stayed there." Jace had this loving grin on his face as he looked at me, like the look you get when staring at a puppy. I'm not sure if I should feel happy by that or upset.

"Oh," was all I said, my cheeks were already starting to heat. Jace chuckled at that, "Don't worry about it too much, to be honest it was super cute." My cheeks flamed again and he laughed once again. I turned my head away to hide the redness of my face and didn't see the extra blur that should have been Iz on the other side of the room. "Where's Iz?" I asked. Jace just shook his head, "Iz found out how was spiking the punch and well... let's just say Alec didn't think the headmaster was going to let that slide if she was caught. He brought her back to the teacher's housing and she stayed with him. She'll be back after Alec helps her with her hangover. Now, back to us..."

Just the word 'us' made my stomach leap, I swallowed the lump in my throat before nodding. "Is that a yes to us, or a yes just to get me to stop saying us," Jace teased as he poked me in the side. I couldn't help but giggle, that earlier tension fading. "Yes to us," I said with a smile, and I knew this was the surest I had been for a while. "Really really?" Jace asked, raising one eyebrow. By the angel I wish I could do that. "Really, really," I answered, poking his chest. His face lit up and a pang struck in my heart. If I could always see this expression I would do anything in the world to get my sight back.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all!

Chapter 16

Muse:

Sunday afternoon

For most of the morning Jace and I laid in my bed talking over anything and everything. By the end of it I felt pretty sure of his feelings for me, at least for the most part. A piece of me still wonders how someone so, so... wonderful could possibly take an interest in me, but the look in his eyes when he looks at me tells me otherwise. It was nearly ten in the morning when Jace snuck out of the girl's dorm, he figured it wouldn't be too wise to stay much longer in case the other girls decided to start moving about. A boy leaving a girl's room in the morning while he is still wearing yesterday's clothes is not an easy thing to explain.

I laid out on my bed, staring up at the ceiling as my sight started to fade to blurring colors to grey to darkness with hints of color every now and then. Jace had long since left yet I was still laying out on my bed. Today is Sunday meaning I have no classes, no plans, no... anything. My life really is so so interesting, now isn't it. Finally I got the motivation to get up and get ready for the day. I made my way over to my dresser and grabbed a bra and underwear from the top drawer, felt for the second drawer and pulled out the first pair of pants I found, and finally moved to the third drawer. I felt around the shirts until I found a T-shirt and a cardigan.

Jon had offered to color code my tops for me, said that I might just want to dress like a normal person for once, but I told him to forget it. I'd never really cared much about my clothes really matching much before I lost my sight, so why would I care about it now? Honestly, I don't have to look at myself during the day so why should I care about how I look, I really, really liked being able to slack off on my dressing standards, if I can't breathe in them and move around comfortably in them, then I want nothing to do with them. That little habit changed all too quickly with Iz in the picture.

From there I headed to the far corner of our room where we keep bath necessities like towels, shampoo, razors, soap, etc. This is also where we keep things like pads, tampons, Band-Aids, cremes, medicine, basically a girls go to place. I bundled up all my things, put on my glasses, grabbed my cane and left my door unlocked before heading towards the this halls bathroom. The bathroom has two entrances, one to an area with just toilets, sinks, hand dryers, just the usual public bathroom, and the other is lined with shower stalls on both sides, a quarter of the room is cubby space for anything we brought with us, mirrors, and a little machine that spits out tiny bottles of shampoo and little bars of soap for fifty cents.

The usual bustling sound of girls giggling and talking, showers running, and floors squeaking didn't perk my ears so i knew I had the bath all to myself. It was nice really, in a school filled with so many people its rare to have a moment where you're truly alone. It was like a breath of fresh air. I stripped and placed all of my things, save for my soaps, razor, and towel in the cubby nearest the showers, fourth from the floor. I felt my hand along the right side of the shower stalls until I reached the third one and placed everything where it belonged before blasting on the hot water and adding just a touch of cold.

I liked my showers so hot that steam comes off of my skin when I get out, I have no idea but for some reason the burning water is just a comforting feeling. These types of showers have always helped me think but not about anything serious, they simply take my mind off of anything and everything around me. They let me ignore my life in general. I think of stupid things like, when you don't want a paper to fold you put it in something called a folder or once you have a PhD every meeting you go to is a doctor's appointment. By the time I was finished my head s cleared and I felt ready to move on with the day instead of crawling back into bed. I quickly dried and dressed before bringing all of my things back to my room.

When I got there I hard noise in the room. "Clary!" Iz called after I had entered, bringing me in for a hug, "by the angel I would have never let you off on your own if I'd have known how worried I'd be! Jace texted Alec last night to let us know he got you back safely, I wanted to come back and check on you myself but Alec wouldn't let me. Honestly he is such a mom, I only had one drink." Iz pulled back from me with a sigh and walked over to her bed, dropping down onto it with a huff. "So, do you uh... have anything to tell me. Anything at all?" Iz asked, I could practically see her sitting on the edge of her bed, the 'mom' look in place.

I made my way over to her bed, reaching my hands forward for her guidance as I stalled. Iz grabbed old of my hands and helped me to a spot next to her on the bed, "Well," she pushed. "I... I took a shower this morning," I said with a bright smile on my face even though I knew Iz went going to drop it.

"Come on Clary! I saw you kiss Jace at the dance, scratch that, everyone saw you two doing your thing. The only difference is that I know who helped you back last night, and I saw Jace hurrying away from the dorm building this morning. I know he comes over every now and then, but in the morning, and he was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday, and besides, he looked way too happy. I haven't seen Jace that excited since... well not for a long time! So spill, now," Izzy huffed as she playfully shook my shoulders.

"Alright, alright," I laughed, "Jace stayed over last night." When Jace had said it, it hadn't sounded nearly as dirty as when I said it, and even though I know nothing really happened my mind still verged on the what ifs, my cheeks grew scarlet just thinking about it. Iz bounced up and down on the bed, squealing with delight, "Details! Details!"

I laughed along with Iz as I reached out and tried to calm her, when a thought pricked my mind, "You're not mad about this? I mean you said..." "Never mind what I said," Iz hushed me, "I may not trust Jace the same way I did before, but... watching him with you it just...it made me realise he isn't all bad. I still haven't forgiven him, but its a start." I reached forward and hugged Iz, Izzy and Jace still aren't where they need to be,but just this alone is a great improvement. My heart felt like it was throbbing with all these emotions, I know I couldn't bear it if Jon and I were like this, but I know I'd like for someone like Iz to help me through it if it did."I'm so glad," I said before pulling back. Iz was laughing, but I could hear the tears in her voice all the same, "Yeah... I didn't think I would, but I am too. Now, enough about me, i want some gossip, give me some of the juicy details!" "Okay!" I said, sitting up.

I told Iz everything that had happened that night, from the dancing to the crying to the nightmare to the confession. All of it. "So this is what you want? Do you want to be with Jace too?" Izzy asked. "Yes," I answered, and even I was surprised about the sureness of my voice. Honestly I hadn't given the whole 'us' thing much thought, I mostly just answered with my feelings. I know with certainty that I feel something for Jace. He makes me happy and carefree, whenever I'm with him everything falls away and I forget about my accident. I forget about all the complicated and stressing things and my life. When I'm with him, its only him. Everything is as simple as breathing, its as simple as being. In a way he is my sight. I think this is what my mom was telling me to look for. Throughout all of the rehabilitation, all the trials and errors, everything, she told me to find my muse. Its scary, but... I think I have. I think Jace is my muse.

Author s Note:

Hey guys! Sorry for the delay I had a lot of school stuff to work on, but hey, I'm back now. So, I hope everyone had a good Easter and I hope everyone is alright what with all the attacks going on lately. I know not all of you may believe in praying but to those of you who have been effected by what's going on and to those who may be effected in the future, my thoughts and prayers go out to you. Please stay safe!

Okay, now back to the story, so we are stepping forward with the Clace relationsip and there may be some drama in the future, who knows we all know Jace is pretty attractive, how many girls do you guys suppose are going to be jealous of Clary, hmm? Also are you guys cool with time skips? Like a week or so? I wouldn't do anything crazy like an entire year or anything, just there won't always be 'big' things everyday, I mean they are at school so I wasn't sure if you guys were find I the school parts boring or what... anyways, I'm also thinking of bringing Jon in for fall break, you guys like that? Um, I guess this is it for now, so I love you all bye! Thank you for reading!

-Haybell


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all!

Chapter 17

Pride:

Monday

Iz and I got ready for school like we did almost everyday. I pulled on my pleated skirt, buttoned up my white dress shirt, tugged on some black tights, stepped into a pair of black ankle boots, and this time shrugged into a thick red sweater. The school allowed us to wear clothes outside of regulations as long as they were school appropriate and school colors. I pulled my sweater tight around me as Iz braided and pulled up my hair into bun on the top of my head. For some reason I felt the chill of fall all throughout my body, I just knew today was going to be cold.

I spoke to and listened to Izzy the entire time we were getting ready, but my mind was elsewhere. I was listening for that familiar knock on our door, letting us know Jace was here to walk with us to breakfast. I swear I nearly jumped out of my skin when a knock finally struck, but it was only Emma wanting to borrow a hair clip. I let out a sigh as I sat back down on my bed, I didn't even try to hide the disappointment on my face. "You were hoping that was Jace, weren't you?" Izzy giggled as she joined me on my bed, nudging me in the side with her elbow. "Maybe..." I sighed before flopping onto my back. "Hey, hey, hey!" Iz squeaked as she pulled me back up to a sitting position, "You're going to ruin all my hard work."

"Oh, sorry," I said, and truly I was, my head just wasn't with me right now. I had thought that I would get to see Jace again yesterday, but I wasn't so lucky, and now I have a feeling its going to be another no show. Is that being too clingy, am I being weird, do all girl...do all girlfriends do this? By the angel even just thinking about the word sends butterflies into my stomach. "You know," Iz said, "I probably should have mentioned this already, but swim tryouts are this morning. Jace might just happen to be one of the top three swimmers in our school, just a heads up." "Really!?" I questioned, reaching for Iz. "Yes,"she giggled, "you know he probably hasn't eaten yet, we could go take him something, or you know you could wait here all pouty?"

"You jerk," I teased as I pulled her up, "You could have said something earlier!?" Oh come on now, what would be the fun in that?" She laughed as she handed me my bag. I reached for my walking stick after putting on my glasses, "Yeah, yeah. You just remember this." "Ooh, I'm shaking," Iz giggled as she locked her arm within my free arm after shutting and locking to door behind us. I let out a sigh, but I couldn't keep the grin off of my face, "Whatever am I going to do with you?" "Give me fabulous shoes and gorgeous men," Iz said with a small jump to her step. "Yeah, I'll get right on that, your royal pain in my back." "That's queen pain in my back to you," Iz said with a flip of her hair. I couldn't help but laugh at her, Iz had a way of changing my moods, whatever they may be, to ones of happiness.

"By the angel I love you," I laughed as I leaned into Iz in a little side hug. "Oh my, moving from Jace so quickly? What would he say to that, you know what never mind, knowing him it'd probably have something to do with a three," Iz groaned. "Okay," I said, drawing out the 'ay', "on that note, I'll be leaving now. What do you want?" "Strawberry yogurt and a granola bar!" Iz called as I headed into line. "Yup, yup," I said as I found a spot in line. Before I would have needed Iz in line with me to know where I was going and to keep me from running into anyone, but lately my eyes have been helpful. I still can't see per say, but most of the time I can see shadows. Shadows of people, building, objects. Anything three dimensional I can see the dark outline of. After a minute or so in line it was my turn to order. I got two cups of yogurt, one strawberry, another blueberry, two granola bars, an apple, a banana, a small carton of orange juice and two coffees.

"Will that be all for you dear?" A nice lunch Lady asked as she placed the food in a paper bag, and the drinks in a little drink carrier. "No thank you," I smiled as I pulled out my school card. Instead of paying with physical money some of the students can use their cards, it makes it a lot easier than asking the cashier what type of bill I had. "And how many people is this?" She asked. Instead of charging for each item the school charges per person for a meal, its just one of the many things the school helps out with. It can get pretty expensive to go to a private school such as this and pay for tuition, boarding, food, and any other extras, this was one of the reasons my mom picked this school.

"Three," I answered as I offered up my card. "Okay," she said cheerfully as she filled in the information in her computer. "Have a wonderful day hun," she said as she handed me back my card as well as the food and drinks. "Thank you," I called before turning and leaving. Iz was waiting not too far from the end of the line and quickly took the drink carrier from me, "Okay, so there's still about ten minutes left for tryouts, you wanna go watch?" Iz said gleefully. I had told Iz about the latest development of my eyes as soon as I noticed the change was constant. "Sure, lead the way," I said as I unfolded my walking stick. I usually put it up whenever I was in a crowded areas, that line being one of those circumstances. "Let's get a move on then," Iz squealed as she led me in the direction of the pool.

After a few minutes I could her the splashing of water, whistles blowing and could smell the strong scent of chlorine. Iz leaned into a set of double doors that opened into the tiled room of a swimming pool. Bleaches sat the length of the pool on the left side of the door. Locker rooms and the coaches office sat on the other side. Boys and girls swam laps around the pool while others practiced dives and others stood at the edge of the pool waiting their turns as they watched.

"Where's Ja..." I had started to ask before I cut myself off. The room had been nothing but darkness filled with shadows until I looked across the room at a figure at the lead of the swimmers taking laps and light filled up the entire space. The pool was a glistening blue filled with boys in red bottoms and black swimming caps while the girls wore red one pieces with a razor back and the same swimming caps. The pool was a large rectangle with three diving boards on one end, each one higher up than the last. The tiles of the floor were made up of gold and white while some of them had those intricate symbols from all around the school in red. The ceiling was a large dome made of windows, letting the early morning light. Four boys and four girls were racing laps around the pool while all the other swimmers watched, cheering them on.

Most of his golden hair was tucked inside a swimmers cap and his golden eyes were blocked by the goggles he wore, but it was him, I just knew it. "There, I said pointing, that's him right?" He was second in the race, just behind a tanned boy, the other swimmers were quite a distance away. "I.. uh yeah, I think it is," Iz said, glancing at me. Her nearly black hair was done in two fishtail braids that reached to her waist, her lips were a deep purpley-red and her dark eyes were ringed in a charcoal grey, her long lashes reaching out to spread like butterfly wings. As always Iz looked beautiful. "I take it, its back right now?" Izzy asked before focussing back on the race. "Yeah, it just happened," I answered, but my heart wasn't in it. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees as I tried to get a better look.

Jace had nearly caught up to the boy and now they were neck to neck. Even though Iz and I sat on the first row of the bleachers it still felt too far away. My body thrummed with excitement as they neared the end of the final lap and I found myself cheering alongside the others. I had never really been one for sports, the only ones I'd ever watched were Jon's and when Luke and Jon would watch a game on TV, but now it was different. I was just like any other girl watching the guy she likes give it his all.

I found myself wanting him to win, not for the title or for bragging rights or even to show he is the best. I wanted him to win simply because of how he looks while swimming. His lean body moved through the water with a purpose, his arms shooting out and gliding through the water like blades. His face morphed in concentration as he exerts every muscle in his body. He looked just like everyone else out there and then some. He moved so fast you couldn't even notice the missing piece of his body. He moved so surly, so confidently that you wouldn't even question it. It was like he was made to do this. He looked like an angel.

I heard Izzy giggling next me as she joined in cheering and then it was over. Jace made it to the finish along side the boy, and to be honest I'm not even sure who won. I had to force myself to stay in my seat as the coach gathered everyone and told them the names of the students who would be remaining. I learned the boy who was head to head with Jace is a big named Jordan Kyle. Jace lifted himself up to the edge of the pool, his arm muscles straining with all of his body weight before twisting himself and only then did it show that he was different than the other swimmers. His body was tanned and muscled but not in a bulky way, more lean and smooth. One of his legs was long and corded the same way as the rest of his body while the other, his left, ended just above his knee.

My heart swelled with pride at all he was capable of, all he has managed to do. Jordan Kyle walked up to Jace, a large smile in place as he patted Jace's back before helping him up. With Jordan's help Jace disappeared into the locker rooms along with the other swimmers. Girls and boys left the locker rooms after dressing, Jordan being one of them, when finally Jace came out, his prosthetic strapped in place. His golden hair still had water in it, causing it to drip onto his shoulders and make his white dress shirt stick to him.

"Jace," Izzy and I called as we headed over to him. He looked up then, his hair sticking to his face and a surprised expression in place until he saw us and a bright smile made its way across his features. "Hey," he said as he waited for us to join him at the doors, "I didn't expect you two to be here." "Fine, I guess we'll just have to eat your breakfast instead," She said with her tongue sticking out as she ogled the bag I was holding. Jace just rolls his eyes as he fell into step beside me, "I swear Iz, you are vicious positively vicious." "I try," Iz laughed with a flip of her hair. "Hey Jace, take this for me will you? Oh and find some good seats, I'm heading to the bathroom," Izzy said as she thrusted the drink carrier in Jace's hands, throwing me a wink before walking off. I love her, I really do, but sometimes she just... ugh.

"Okay then," Jace laughed as he looked around, "and now there were two. Oh, I think I found a spot." Jace placed his hand on my lower back as he guided me toward the direction of an empty picnic table. I felt my cheeks grow pink as I remembered the closeness of just yesterday. Jace sat down right next to me, leaning into my side as I pulled out the contents of the bag. I shoved the strawberry yogurt and a granola bar aside for Iz before reaching for one of the coffees.

"I, uh... I saw you swimming," I spoke up after taking a sip of coffee. I saw the pink on Jace's cheeks as he stared down at the already bitten into apple in his hand. "You did?" He asked, "So you saw it huh?" "Yeah, you were amazing out there!" I said, turning to face him. His eyes grew wide as that goofy grin crossed his face before fading again, "No, I uh... I meant my leg. You saw it didn't you?" I could see the embarrassment in Jace's eyes as a frown morphed his features. I reached out and cupped his face in my hand and slowly he leaned into it, looking at me through his dark blonde lashes, "So what if I saw it," I said, "It doesn't change you or how I think about you."

Jace looked at me then, really looked at me. "You were wonderful out there, I swear I have never seen anything so beautiful in my life. It was like, like watching someone flying from above. You were..." I cut myself off when I realised how loud I had been speaking. I was vaguely aware of the stares from people around us. I felt Jace's face move underneath my fingers as that goofy grin came back and soon he was laughing. Without even noticing it Jace had leaned forward and kissed my cheek before wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "I'm glad," he said as he fiddled with the apple in his free hand, "usually... it scares people away."

My heart sank as I imagined Jace hurt and dejected by those around him all because of a little piece of him was missing. It didn't change anything about him, at least not where it mattered. It was my turn to surprise Jace now, I shifted ever so slightly and tilted my head until my lips met his. He tasted of apples and the sweet taste that simply was him. "You don't scare me," I said after pulling back and taking another sip of coffee. Jace's cheeks were flushed once again and his eyes were wide as glanced down at me. "Have you eaten strawberries lately?" He asked after he had composed himself. "No," I laughed with a shake of my head. "Hmm," Jace hummed as he took another bite of his apple. "What, why?" I asked as I nudged his side. "No, no reason at all," he said as he slid his hand down to rest on my hip, pulling me closer.

"Mhmm," I hummed as I started to open up my yogurt. Jace took it from me and licked the lid before sliding the tub to me. "What!?" Jace laughed as I glared at him, "I can't have my girlfriend doing heavy lifting." "Opening a yogurt is heavy lifting?" I questioned incredulously, ignoring the heat in my cheeks at the word 'girlfriend'. "Of course," Jace said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "I shouldn't even let you be lifting that spoon." "Uh huh," I said disbelieving as I took a bite of my yogurt. "Are you claiming that your dear boyfriend is a liar?" Jace laughed as he leaned into me. "If she wont I will," Iz chimed in as she took a seat across from us, "a liar among other things." Iz reached over and scooped up the carton of orange juice and ripped open her yogurt. "See what I mean!? Vicious!" He said as he took a big bite out of his apple.

Author's note: hey guys! Back again, so what did you think of this weeks chapter. There is a bit more clace action and you know what that means, there's gonna be a date soon! Yay! So yes or no to this, I'm thinking of bringing real sizzy in, it may not be for a bit but it definetly will happen. also what do you guys think Simon's 'thing' should be? Any and all suggestions are welcome and I'll try and research them. That's kind of one of the things I like about this story, searching the illnesses and things. I have family members with what Iz has so that's a pretty easy one for me, but Jace's I've had to look up and its pretty interesting. I used to want to be a doctor or nurse to work with these types of cases cancers and diseases and such in children that is. What about you guys, what did you want to be? Any who I think that's it for now so I love you all and bye! Thank you for reading!

-Haybell


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all!

Chapter 18

Requests:

Monday

*First Period*

The talking had lasted the entire way to class, all throughout the halls, the restrooms, even the classroom itself. Rumors had spread until what had happened between Jace and I seemed like a story even to my own ears. "Seems like you're a hot topic," Izzy giggled as we sat down in our seats in Mr. Starkweather's class. After a few minutes, the bell rang and the gossiping boys and girls from the halls came inside, filling the room with loud murmurs, I could practically feel their eyes drilling into me.

"We'll, well, well Ms. Morgenstern. It seems to me you had yourself a most... interesting weekend," Mr. Starkweather's voice bellowed over the now dying noise of the other students. "This is a place of learning, not a place for you to gossip over such petty matters, if I hear so much as a peep about the events of last weekend I will personally see to your detention. Have I made myself clear?" All that could be heard was the taping of his shoes on the ground and a solemn collection of yeses, Mr. Starkweather's detentions are legendary, the most gruesome of all detentions in the school. Even the worst of students do their best to behave when his name is brought up.

The tapping of his shoes grew louder as he neared me, the scent of old spices and must struck my nose as he slammed his hand on my desk, leaning in close. "I am well aware of your situation Ms. Morgenstern, but you shouldn't concern yourself with the likes of Jace Herondale. Just because a boy takes interest in you doesn't mean you should jump at his every command, trust me, this won't be the first and certainly won't be the last. I suggest you pull out before you are added to the list of broken hearts, yes?" Mr. Starkweather said just loud enough for me to hear.

I felt the heat rise in my face, first in my cheeks and then to my ears. "And I understand your concern, but I am fully capable of taking care of myself. Thank you very much Mr. Starkweather, but I will be deciding who I will and will not surround myself with," I said just loud enough for him to hear, it took all the effort within me to keep the bitterness out of my voice. What does he know of what will happen between us? He's just a crotchety old man with nothing else to do but torment his students, how could he possibly know anything about this. He doesn't seem the type to know anything about love or caring for someone.

"I see," Mr. Starkweather said as he pushed up from the desk," but don't say you haven't been warned." Mr. Starkweather strode away, taking with him that suffocating stench and I felt my stomach clenching. By the angel I felt sick. "Now class, put everything under your desk. Pop quiz over last weeks lesson," Mr. Starkweather said, and I'd bet everyone in that class was sighing internally, save for a certain Simon Lewis who couldn't manage to keep quiet on anything relating to Mr. Starkweather.

*Second Period*

That aching in my stomach lasted all throughout first period and by the time I had reached second it felt as if I was going to pass out from the pain. My skin felt hot and sweaty and my legs were wobbly. "Clary I think you should go to the nurse," Iz said as she placed her hand on my back, helping to keep me upright. "What if it passes soon? I don't want to make this a weekly thing Iz," I sighed as I placed my things atop my desk.

"But Clar..." Iz started to say. "Oh Clary honey, let's get you to the nurse, you look positively dreadful. Isabelle dear, do you mind helping?" Mrs. Herondale asked, already moving to my left to help move me and Iz to my right. "No problem at all Mrs. H, I've been trying to get Clary to go since first, stubborn thing," Iz explain, gently nudging my shoulder with hers as the two of them led me out of the room. "I will only be a moment, class. For now you can mingle around the room but keep the volume to a respective level," Mrs. Herondale called over her shoulder. "Really Mrs. Herondale, I'm sure I'll be fine in no time," I countered trying to have them bring me back to class but with the two of them together there was no budging.

"Poppycock," Mrs. Herondale hushed me, "I am not about to let one of my students walk about half dead when they could be safely resting it off in the infirmary, now all I want from you today is for you to get well." Her odd way of speaking was oddly comforting and her mothering nature almost brought tears to my eyes, I felt a pang in my chest as I thought of my own mom. All I could do was nod my head. When we reached the nurses office she was no where to be seen, the room itself was completely empty.

"Bollocks," Mrs. Herondale exclaimed, "Isabelle do you mind? I'd hate to leave Clarissa here all alone." "Not at all Mrs. Herondale, I'll make sure Clary is alright until the nurse comes back. Now you need to head back to class, they can only handle so much freedom without going crazed," Iz said waving Mrs. Herondale off. "Yes, yes," Mrs. Herondale, "you two do take care, and I hope to see you well on Wednesday Clary." Mrs. Herondale scurried off towards her classroom all while looking composed and proper like. Her style and the way she held herself was so out of date and unreal, yet oddly refreshing.

Iz had me lie down on one of the beds and almost instantly my eyes shut and I was asleep. I have no idea how long I had been sleeping, only that I awoke to the nurse checking my blood pressure. "Awake now are we Clary?" The nurse laughed as she took out her stethoscope and placed it to the bend between my forearm and upper arm. She jotted down my levels and then asked for me to sit up and take deep breaths in and out as she placed the stethoscope on my chest and back. "Okay, okay," she said as she wrapped her stethoscope around her neck and then retrieved a thermometer, "open." I did as she said as soon after it beeped, showing my temperature to be at fever level.

"Will you lie down for me," the nurse asked and again I complied, "now I'm going to put a bit of pressure on your abdomen, just tell me if its uncomfortable or if you feel any pain." I nodded my head and soon she had placed fingers on my stomach, pressing in on various places and pausing, most likely to view my reactions. "Nice nice," the nurse said as she helped me back into a sitting position, "one last thing." All I saw was her shadow in the dark spots, moving about in her drawers and then she came back.

"I'm going to need you to remove your glasses," she said politely but without questioning. It took me a moment, but soon my glasses were of, very few people had seen me without my glasses, it was one of the few things I was truly self conscious about from my accident. All the other scars on my body from the cuts and casts meant nothing to me, but this was more. The eyes are usually the first thing someone notices when meeting someone, what does it say about me to be covered in ugly scarring, it would probably scare most. Not long after my bandages had been removed all I could feel were the raised bumps from the scaring, they have settled a bit more now, but just feeling it frightened me, what must it look like for others?

"Thank you, now all I'm going to do is shine this light, simple as that," the nurse explained and soon a soft click erupted and I knew the flashlight was on. At first everything was still dark, but after a moment I could see it, just barely, but I could see it. The light moved from my right eye to the left and back again and I followed it. I can't remember the last time I'd been able to even somewhat pass an eye exam. I felt tears in my eyes as I heard the sharp intake of breath from the nurse, "This is... this is wonderful news Clary, your pupils aren't fully dilated, but they are getting there. And if I didn't know any better I'd say you could see that light with how you were following it. I'd say we need to get you back into a doctor as soon possible."

The tears flowed now and I was nodding my head like a mad man. "Okay then, I'll contact the head master and shell get ahold of your parents. From there we can set up an appointment with your doctors and get you properly checked up. As for the stomach ache and lightheadedness, its probably just stress on the body. You are still relatively new here from your family and home, and to top it off your body is working on repairing your sight. That's a lot for anyone to handle," the nurse stood up from her chair and gathered up her charts on me, "I already sent your friend that was here with you back to class, but for now you need to stay here and rest up. You can't overwork your body just yet. I'll have someone bring you lunch, but for now it would be best for you to remain here for the day in case anything changes." "Can my friends still visit after school?" I asked before she could leave. "Only if you get your rest and promise not to over exert yourself in the next couple of days, promise?" The nurse asked. "Promise," I answered before laying back down ad doing just as she requested, sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all!

Chapter 19

Safest Place:

Monday afternoon

*dorm room*

After I ate lunch the nurse checked my vitals before giving me some medicine for the stomach aches and sending me to my dorm room. Once again I was told to rest and not strain myself and so I put on music and laid on my bed. I'm not even sure when I fell asleep or if I really was asleep but soon a comforting and familiar scent filled the air along with a voice I'd be able to pull out of a large crowd. He smelled of home and warmth and his gentle and comforting voice sang along to the lyrics of a song that played.

"And I was making you a wish

And every skyline

How big, how blue, how beautiful

How big, how blue, how beautiful..."

"Jon?" I asked as I rolled over to where the sound was from and soon Jon's hand was ruffling my bed raggled hair. "Hey there Claire-bear," Jon answered as he nudged me farther along the bed and then joined me on the side. I leaned into his side as he wrapped his arm around me. I didn't need to ask why he was here because I already knew. Jon always knew what was happening with me, he didn't even have to be near me to know something was wrong, and so I simply laid my head against his chest, taking in this breath of home.

Even though Luke isn't really my father I've always looked to him as one, and as soon as mom and him tied the knot calling him as such was like second nature to me and Jon. "When are mom and dad coming?" I asked as I looked up at the ceiling, watching the shadow of the ceiling fan turn round and round. Oddly enough being able to catch these glimmers and shadows of objects isn't the part that has me concerned anymore, its everyone else's reactions to what is happening. My mom would be thrilled, but thinking about that reminds me that that means I wasn't enough for her without my sight. I know its unfair to think that way and I've tried to stop, but it just seems impossible. The only constants in my life right now, the people it wouldn't matter to whether or not I get my sight back, are Jon, Iz, and Jace. They're the only ones I know with certainty that they believe that I am capable, that the way they look at me won't change.

I felt Jon's chest heave as he let out a sigh, "They should be here in the morning, they already have an appointment set up and everything." "Dorothea?" I asked. "Dorothea," Jon answered. Dorothea was my doctor, well technically she is an eye specialist and sees everyone of her patients, I've always just looked to her as personally mine. She is the only doctor I've had that was honest with me and didn't try to sugar coat everything as if I was a small child. I can't think of any other doctor I would trust to find a way to fix this or to simply tell me there is no fixing.

I let out a breath as I leaned closer into Jon. "Can you stay here tonight?" I asked. I know I shouldn't be afraid, but I always get terrified before every doctors visit and Jon knows that. Every night before an appointment I would sneak into Jon's room and every morning I'd wake up feeling much better. I've just always felt comfortable in my brother's arms, like nothing in this world can touch me. Jon hesitated for a moment, "I don't know Clary, this is a girl's dorm... I don't think I can do that." "Please?" I begged, hugging him tighter, I know it, I just know that if we break this habit that I won't be able to go through with this appointment, I just know it.

Jon hesitated for a while before letting out n exasperated sigh, "fine, but you better not hog the blankets." Jon shoved me playfully as I laughed. I'm spoiled, I know it and he knows it, but there's nothing he can do about it. "I'll just call Iz the let her know," I told Jon as I reached over him and onto my bedstand. I swiped off the music and then called Izzy using the voice system on my phone. Within seconds she answered, "Don't ask, I already know. I'm heading over to Alec's now. I hope you know I'll be expecting to see you as soon as you come back tomorrow and I want all the details. You got that?" I could just barely make out what she was saying with how fast she was speaking and over the loud jangling of her jewelry and her feet as she made her way through the school.

"Wait... what... how?" I stuttered, sitting up and completely awake now. "Oh, I was about to come inside when I heard someone else in there with you. I thought it might be Jace so I wanted to listen in for details, then I realised who it was. I hope you aren't mad at me," Iz said sounding excited at first, then her voice dripped with guilt. "Who is Jace?" Jon asked, why should I be surprised, Iz really isn't a quiet person. I waved my hand at him to keep him quiet as I spoke to Izzy, "I'm not mad, besides, I don't think I could ever stay mad at you. And of course I'll let you know what happens, just... wish me luck I guess."

"Good luck!" Iz cheered over the phone, "Alec has been spotted, I'll have to get back to you a different time Clary, gotta pull out the sister card and if that doesn't work I'll bring on the guilt. Love ya girl!" I couldn't help but laugh, poor poor Alec, "Love you too Iz, bye!" I dropped back onto my bed as I clicked the home button on my phone and asked for the time. It was only 8:02 and I'm already exhausted which really is quite ridiculous considering how long I've been sleeping today.

"Iz is staying with her brother Alec in the teacher's dorms, he's the technology teacher here," I said as I turned onto my side and pulled the blankets up to my neck. I didn't have to worry about getting changed, as soon as I got back to my room I had pulled on an old tee and sweats. If I was meant to be resting I was gonna do it comfortably and those school uniforms are far from that when is comes to sleeping in them. "Yeah I heard her, I also heard another thing..." Jon said, pausing to give me plenty of time to supply an answer, "Am I really going to have to ask?"

I pulled the blanket up and over my head as I answered as quickly as possible, "Jace is my boyfriend." "Clary!" Jon raised his voice as he pulled the blanket from my face, "Don't be a baby and tell me, I couldn't understand a single word with you mumbling like that." I tried to look at Jon the best I could but all I could make out was the shadowy outline of his body propped up against the headboard of my bed, but from the shape of it I could tell he was listening closely. His arms were crossed over his chest and his head was tilted down to look at me by the Angel I hated when he was calm in these situations. If he was angry I could say he was being irrational and avoid having to answer, but like this he's left me with no choice. Damn he's getting better at this.

"Jace is a boy that goes to school here," I said, hoping he'd leave it at that, but I've never been so lucky. "And..." Jon groaned. "Well, um... we just recently started going out," I cringed as I said this. Jon has never been so good with me and boys. Boys looking at me is a no. Boys talking to me is a no. Boys so much as thinking of me is a no. Back home Jon had gained a reputation and not a single boy came near me, here it isn't the same. I love Jon, really, but I swear sometimes he acts more like a father than a brother to me, this being one of those circumstances.

In Jon's defense he stayed calmer than I thought he would, at least he didn't jump out of the bed and run around the school hell bent on murdering Jace so I guess that's an improvement. "Uh huh..." Jon said, clearly working hard to keep the malice out of his voice, "And this Jace, can he run fast? Sorry that came out wrong, is he a nice boy?" Jon coughed and the shadows of his body moved in an odd mechanical fashion. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that first question and yes, he is. He's helped me get used to this school, he's helped me through a lot here actually. I care about him, as much as I care about Izzy which means murder is a no no. Right Jon?" I asked, reaching out for Jon.

Jon let out a long ragged so before pulling me closer to him in a hug, "Fine, but the moment he screws up don't blame me if a body shows up." I couldn't help but laugh. I know Jon means well, he always has, he just has an odd way of showing it sometimes. "What am I going to do with you Jon?" I said as I leaned my head into his chest and closed my eyes. "What can I say? I'm the best big brother there is," Jon said with a laugh. "Shhh... sleeping," I said as I gently smacked his stomach. "Yeah yeah," Jon sighed as he pulled the blanket up and around my shoulders. I focused in on the sound of his breathing and his strong and comforting arms around me as I tried to sleep. This really is one of the safest places in the world for me.

Author's Note: okay so I know I deserve all the hate for waiting so long to update, and I'm sorry, really, but I've been either really busy to sit down and write or when I did I just had no motivation to do so. I know hats just an excuse, but really I'm sorry. Hopefully at doesn't happen again. I know I personally hate it when an author abandons a story for so long without warning and what makes it even worse now is the feeling of doing that to you guys. Anyways I hope you liked this chapter, its sibling like love chapter which is always nice in my book. Now the next chapter should be the doctors visit, I'm not a doctors so I will either try and look up medical terms on eyes like Clary's or I will just leave those doctory parts vague, I'll find out when it happens. So again I'm sorry, but at least I'm back now. I guess that's it for now so I love you and thank you for reading!

-Haybell


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Fairytale

Tuesday

*Doctor's office*

"So, what are you in here for today Clary?" Dorothea asked as she shuffled in her her little black swivel chair to me. I never really knew what Dorothea looked like, I had only pictured her in my mind from being around her and hearing how others have described her, only now did I realise how far off I had been. Dr. Dorothea, though she prefers to just go by Dorothea, is a dark woman in her late fifties, maybe even sixties, I know I would never want to ask, she'd simply reply with a quip about never asking a woman her age.

She has black hair with waves of gray swirling through it similar to a vanilla and chocolate swirled ice cream cone. Within her tanned and wrinkled face are two sharp honey brown eyes that don't miss a thing, and a mouth with a sharp tongue. Dorothea is quick to say the first thing on her mind without concern for the other party. I suppose that might be why I like her so much, the simple fact that I never have to deal with the BS that other doctors like to give. She dresses in vibrant colors in the form of long skirts and dresses with layers of flowy shirts and wraps over that.

"They didn't tell you?! Slackers, the whole lot of them," I gasped as I laid out on top of the examination table, the itchy paper crinkling beneath me every time I moved. Dorothea just let out a sigh as she scootched closer to me to check my vitals. "I swear the whole building would go up in flames if I left, they really are quite pitiful Clary. Now, let's get down to business here, shall we?" Dorothea said as she jotted down my levels. "Honestly Dorothea, you should be able to figure this out, you are a professional, aren't you?" I teased, I really do not want to say anything about this at all. What if this is like a dream and the moment I tell her I'll wake up and everything is dark again. If my sight really is back, then Dorothea will be able to find out without a word from me.

"You're really going to make me work for it too, now…" Dorothea gave me a chance to answer then let out a groan when she realised I wasn't budging. "Fine, full check up then," Dorothea pulled up a cart next to her with all the tools she would need to do a thorough search of me. She tested out all my movements, making sure everything was functioning properly before checking my vitals for a second time. She even took a blood sample, which I suppose is entirely my fault for being stubborn. She then had me lay back to poke and prod at my stomach and sides, asking, even though she already knew the answer, if I felt any pressure or pain.

As always her last search is my sight, her reasoning for this is that the chances of me seeing again are slim to none, so why worry about checking these first. Dorothea picked up a slim, silver flashlight after asking me to remove my sunglasses. "You probably don't need me to repeat what you already know, but please try to follow the light," Dorothea's voice was quite lackluster, and annoyed at having to go through all these useless procedures. I had to work to keep the smile off of my face as I did what she asked of me. While colors were still coming and going, shapes and bright lights are a pretty much constant thing for me at this point.

She moved the light over to my left, then the right in a bored manner until she noticed my eyes following her movements. She sat up straighter and waved the light with renewed interest. Dorothea quickly put the flashlight down and instead put up a hand with four fingers raised, "How many fingers am I showing?" She all but yelled. I couldn't keep the grin off my face now as I mimicked her with my own hand, "four." "Well I'll be dammed," Dorothea laughed as she sat back, "and how long has this been going on Clary, quiet the secret keeper are we?"

I went on telling her about the day I moved into Idris Prep and how I kept seeing those flashes of light. How this kept occurring, lasting longer and longer every time, how sometimes it was in color and other times just shapes. And how now my sight is basically a constant, at least to an extent. Dorothea simply sat there, taking it all in. Every now and then she'd inject a question to clear things up or to ask for dates, or times, and what was different with each time.

"Well Clary, it seems to me you have at least one constant thing, or rather person, that connects to your sight. I've never heard of this happening, but it seems to me that that boy has something to do with this?" Dorothea said after I had finished. "You can't be serious, how is that even possible?" I asked, dumbfounded at her theory. "I'm not quite sure, but all the signs point to him. I'm not saying I'm right, I'm only saying he is the constant and the change." Dorothea explained before standing up and reorganizing her instruments. I'm not sure if I agree with her, I mean how can I when the idea alone seems impossible, but I do see her point. It wasn't until Jace was around that the flashes started, and it wasn't until he was around me more that my sight stuck. I shook the thought from my head, it can't be because of Jace, that stuff only happens in fairy tales and my life is far from that.

"Well, I guess this is all we can do today, but I do expect to see you weekly Clary. I'd also like to get a better idea of how much you really can see so be ready for plenty of tests," Dorothea said. "Yes, ma'am," I answered as I groaned internally, just what I needed, more testing. "Don't you be sassing me now Clary, I hate these just as much as you. Now get to it, you should go thank that boy of yours" Dorothea laughed as she gave me a nudge. My cheeks heated instantly at her words, "I never should have told you that." "Too late now," she laughed again.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 20

Meetings:

Tuesday

By the time I got out of my doctor's appointment I was left with only three more hours of school or the excitement of my parents. To be honest I probably would have chosen to go back, if only to avoid their questions and the gushing over me, but one can't be too lucky.

Mom, Luke, Jon, and I went out to lunch after the appointment and though I hate to admit it, I kind of missed their sappy romance. For a while now I'd only been able to hear it, but now that I can see it as well my heart went out to them. For years they had only remained friends after Dad had died. I suppose they didn't want to feel as if they were simply waiting for him to go for them to be together. I don't remember much about mom and dad together, but from what I've been told they were deeply in love. They'd been childhood sweethearts and the two had grown up close with Luke as well. I guess you could say the three were inseparable. Bot mom and Luke had needed each other after my father's passing and after years of being together, but not, they realised it was meant to be. I like to think that Dad is watching over them, supporting them the best he can.

Mom and Luke's constant honeymooning phase had apparently not passed, after they were satisfied with drilling me about school and my newly regained sight they were focused once again on each other. I glanced over at Jon who was sitting next to me and mumbled a, "thank you." He'd done good for once, not being too protective. He hadn't told them anything about Jace, and if there's anything I can do about it, they won't know for a while.

Though he was still blurred in places and not quite in color I could see the knowing look in my brother's eyes. He wasn't quite finished with the Jace topic, but he knew better than to bring it up in front of them. Without my realising it, our time together dwindled until the moment we were forced to leave, them going back home and me going back to school. Where I hadn't wanted to stay earlier, I now felt a sinking in the pit of my stomach at having to once again leave my family. I guess that's pretty normal right, hating the doting of your family one minute then missing it when it's gone?

I hugged mom and Luke close with tears in my eyes. "You promise me you aren't having a hard time? Everyone's being nice right?" Mom questioned for maybe the fifth time as she pulled me even closer, stroking my hair as she too cried. "No mom I'm perfectly fine," I sighed as I let out a laugh, "And Izzy will probably want to come visit during break." I laughed as she pulled back and held me at arm's length, "You tell her she is more than welcome to visit anytime she wants." My mom kissed my forehead before pulling back and letting go altogether. She raised her hands to wipe at her tear streaked face.

Luke was next, wrapping his big arms around me in a bear hug. "I'll watch over her, so you take good care of yourself kiddo," Luke whispered in that cooling voice of his before pulling back, ruffling the top of my hair as he did so. Luke pulled my mom to him in a side hug, most likely to keep her from following after me. "I'll be sure to call and keep you updated on everything, I promise," I said as I slowly backed up, maybe if I hurried and left it wouldn't hurt so bad. Like ripping off a bandaid.

Mom nodded her head as she leaned into Luke for support. I turned my back to them and started walk away when mom called back to me, "Clary." I turned back to see the tears on her face had subsided and now a warm smile crossed her face.

My mother is beautiful in every sense of the word, especially when she smiled like this. Her full, pink lips gently curled back to reveal perfect white teeth. Her emerald green eyes shone brightly no matter the lighting, like something was shining from within her. Her curling red locks were pulled back in a high ponytail showing off her high cheek bones set in her slender face. "I love you," she called to me.

I stopped for a moment, mostly to keep myself from running back to her and burrowing myself in her arms for another hug. I know she would gladly take me, but that would only worsen the situation for both of us. I took in a breath to stop any tears from escaping, "I love you too mom." My mother's body seemed to relax like she was ready to let me go for now, I know it's not going to last long, but in that moment I knew she trusted me with whatever decisions I'd be making here.

I glanced to Luke and he gave me a quick wink, shooing me on. Luke was never the hovering type, he always knew what Jon and I were capable of, and this seems to be one of the things he just knows. I watched as Luke led mom back to their car before turning and heading back for the main building. Jon was already there signing me back into the school when I got there.

Im strong, always have been, but the moment he looked at me I couldn't keep from crying. I'm going to have to be gone from them even longer this time. The mere thought brought this full on ache throughout my chest. Jon hurried over to me, reaching out to pull me against him. I buried my face in his chest as he stroked my hair, trying to calm me. "It's going to be fine, trust me," Jon whispered as he held me tightly. "How do you know?" I mumbled into his shirt front. My tears had already wet the cotton material, causing it to stick to my cheeks and his chest.

"How does anyone know anything?" Jon asked, "I that you are strong and fully capable of going through this. I know that mom is a hopeless wreck without us there. But I also know that she has Luke there with her and she'll be fine in no time, just like you will be. You don't think I would let you go to a school where I don't have people to keep tabs on you? The first day I asked people to watch out for you, and it seems to me they've done a pretty good job. Besides I've heard you've made new friends here. I believe one of their name's is Isabelle. You don't want to just leave her here all alone do you?" I shook my head into his chest as I felt the tears slowly ebb away, "No." "Then I suggest you pick your head up and stop your crying. You're stronger than that," Jon said as he held me back at arm's length.

I couldn't keep the smile off of my face as I looked up to my brother's face, "When did you get to be so smart?" "I've always been this smart, amazing, talented stud you have the privilege to call your beloved big brother. You just haven't been paying attention," Jon laughed as he gave my forehead a light flick with his finger. Despite all of Jon's annoying quirks I know without fail that he can always bring a smile to my face. "Don't push it," I laughed as I reached my arms up around his neck in a hug. "Oh but that's my specialty," Jon laughed as he returned the hug even harder. I had to gasp for air as he squeezed so tightly before loosening.

"Clary?" A voice all too familiar to my ears spoke up. I turned around to see Jace standing there with a hurt expressions. His golden brows furrowed and his full lips dropped open as his eyes looked Jon up and down. Soon his mouth changed to a hard line and his hands clenched into tight fists. It was then that I noticed the bouquet of tiger lillies laying at his feet. Jace took quick strides to us, his fists clenching and unclenching the whole way. I pulled back from Jon and tried to place myself in front of him when Jace stopped inches from us, an angry look marring his beautiful features.

Jon reached in front of me and pulled me back until I stood behind him. His broad shoulders and tall figure almost blocked Jace from my view entirely. "Clary," Jace called again, leaning to the left to look at me, but Jon moved too, blocking every one of Jace's attempts to look at me. I opened my mouth to speak, to say anything to prevent these two from doing anything rash, but my voice wasn't coming out. I was yelling out soundless words. "Clary!" Jace all but yelled as he pushed forward, but Jon remained where he stood. Jace and Jon stood toe to toe, both of them standing their tallest as they stared each other down. "I at least deserve an answer if you think you can… by the angel Clary I thought you said you cared. I guess I was a fool to believe that huh?" Jace yelled still moving about to get to me.

I tried to move out from behind Jon but he kept his arms back, not allowing me to move. "Wait it's not what you think!" I yelled as I jumped up, trying to get a glimpse of Jace over Jon's shoulder. My voice came out wery and scratchy, but I managed to get it out all the same. Jace's eyes met mine and for the briefest of moments that anger was gone, but then something switched in him and he was angrier than before. Jace stepped forward and reached out to pull Jon up by his shirt, "What did you do to her? I swear if you hurt her…" Jace didn't have a chance to finish what he was saying before Jon kicked out his foot and swiped Jace's leg out from under him, causing Jace to stumble to the floor.

"Jon!" I yelled, trying once again to push passed him and this time he allowed it. I rushed to Jace and knelt down beside him, lifting his head up and into my lap as I searched him for any injuries. My sight filled with vibrant colors the moment my fingers touched his skin, but I was too worried about him and angered with Jon to care. "Why the hell did you do that?!" I yelled up at Jon as I brushed Jace's hair back from his face. His expression softened a bit as he let me help him back up to a sitting position. "Are you okay?" Jace asked as he reached up to stroke my tear stained cheek.

It was then I realised why he had become so enraged in the end. I shook my head, unable to keep the grin off of my face. Even when he was the one hurt he still worried about me more. "I'm fine, you should be more aware of yourself," I said as I motioned toward his now twisted prosthetic. Jace leaned forward to put it back into its proper place. All while keeping a watchful eye on Jon.

"I take it this is Jace," Jon laughed as he crossed his arms over his chest, an amused expression in place as he looked down at us. "How do you know my name?" Jace asked, his animosity lessening as he leaned into me, now with both feet facing the correct way. I could feel his rapid breathing as he eyed Jon, still unsure if he was a threat. "How rude of me. I'm Jonathan Morgenstern, Clary's brother, but you can call me Jon," Jon laughed, clearly amused with the turn of events. Jace dropped his head back as he let out a sigh, "Give a guy a bit more of a warning next time won't you?" Jace turned his gaze to me as he let out a breath of relief. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were going to be here," I said, more than embarrassed for the both of us.

With a bit of time, Jace stood up, I hadn't realised how much thought it took in getting up from the ground when you only had one leg that moved normally. Once he was up he turned to me and offered me his hand and soon I was standing next to him. "Jace Herondale," Jace said as he offered his hand out to Jon. Jon accepted, and by the looks of it, it hurt, "I don't think we need to go over the rules, just know that I will find out if you do anything and when I do you're going to greatly regret it. Am I clear?" Jace nodded his head, showing no signs of pain or fear on his face, "Crystal." "Good," Jon said after letting go.

He then moved on to me and pulled me in for one last bear hug, "Remember what we talked about, and don't forget that I am always one call away." Jon kissed my forehead before pulling away and walking towards the school's exit. "I loathe you!" I called after him. "I loathe you more!" He yelled back even louder. I stared after Jon until I couldn't see him anymore then after I had gathered up enough courage I chanced a glance at Jace. He quickly wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close, "I swear I just lost three good years of my life from that scare. You going to make up for that?" I laughed as I looked up to him. That could have gone worse.

Author's note:

Hey guys! I'm back again and this time with a long one! I had a lot of fun writing this one and I hope you guys like it too. Jon and Jace standoff! Who do you guys think would win in a fight? Hmm. Any I stayed up really late to finish this one for you guys, I am sooooo tired right now. I guess that's it for now so bye! I love you all and thanks for reading!

-Haybell


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns all!

Chapter 21

Insecurities:

Tuesday night

My heart was still racing as thoughts of what could have been played out in my mind. I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to either of them. I don't even want to think about it. I shook my head clear of those thoughts before looking over to Jace. He was bent over, reaching to pick up the tiger lillies he had dropped earlier. Once again it hit me that he was different than other boys. he didn't just bend at the waist and the knees to pick up the flowers, his body moved in an oddly breathtaking way, almost inhuman as he stood up in a flourish.

The flowers, though slightly wilted from the drop, were still beautiful, the yellows and oranges brilliant like the sun. "Sorry," Jace said bashfully as he handed them to me, "they may be a little crushed." Jace rubbed the back of his neck as he looked at me under heavy lashes, a light pink brushing across his cheeks, he clearly felt embarrassed for how things played out.

All I did was laugh before quickly going up on the tops of my toes and placing a peck on his cheek. "I love them," I smiled as I pulled back. A crooked grin stretched out on his face at that and his body relaxed. I slid my hand into his, interlocking our fingers as I sniffed the delicate scent of the flowers. Jace and I walked hand in hand through the school's entrance into the green courtyard. I was vaguely aware of the whole no couples rule of the school, but I found that whenever I'm with Jace I never really care about simple things like that. Everything pales in comparison to him.

The first time I walked through the school grounds I hadn't been able to see any of sights around me, then slowly, as my sight returned I would catch glimpses of the area. But here with Jace next to me, so close that each step we took my knuckles would graze his thigh, everything was so much more. Colors were so much more vibrant than I had ever experienced, even before my accident. The reds were as dark and lovely as a Robin's feathers, the green grass as lush and full it almost seemed impossible. Even the sky was more blue than ever, it was almost as if I was staring at an endless ocean above us.

I let out a sigh as I leaned my head against his shoulder, "You know, I'm starting to think Dorothea was right about you." Jace paused for a moment then simply laughed it off, "And what is that supposed to mean?" Jace guided me over to a nearby bench. The sky was starting to fade into purples and pinks and oranges and reds. Curfew was nearing, but with Jace here I didn't find myself worrying about it.

"It means that you've changed me, I don't know when exactly or how but you have. Is it cheesy to say that it feels as if I'm experiencing everything for the first time again, like everything is brand new? I don't know, you just make me… more," the moment the words left my mouth I felt odd for saying them, but I didn't regret them, not even in the slightest. Jace stared down at me with gentle and understanding eyes as his mouth curled into a faint smile. Slowly, he slid his hand up my side until his fingers grazed my cheek, before tucking my hair behind my ear and then resting his forehead against mine.

His fingers were fiddling with a piece of my hair as he spoke, "It's kind of scary how much we think alike. I haven't had anyone in my life that I feel like I could tell anything to and be who I want to be in front of without being ashamed other than my parents. But I feel like… maybe I can with you. I'm not sure what this feeling is yet, but I know it's growing. Ever since the day I met you I felt the need to get closer to you. I wanted to be able to talk to you, and sit with you, and be there for you. And it scared the hell out of me… to be honest it still does Clary."

Tears welled in Jace's eyes and he had stopped playing with my hair. His hands sat, clenched so tightly in his lap that his knuckles were turning white. "I want to trust you Clary, but I don't want to feel what I felt earlier. I thought you had left me and moved on… just like everyone else in my life. Friends have left me. Izzy and Alec left me. My parents left me…" Jace grew quiet towards the end, but his gaze on me was strong. He was searching, searching for a sign to answer the question he hasn't spoken aloud.

My heart broke for him in that moment and I felt tears sting in my eyes. I reached out and clutched his hands before pulling him to me in a tight embrace. His face, now went with tears rested against my shoulder as his body caved against mine, his hands holding onto me tightly. I have never seen anyone so open and vulnerable in my life, and here Jace was showing me all of his insecurities. "I won't leave you, I'd never leave you Jace. Don't you know that?" I whispered as I brushed back his hair, over and over again, holding him close with my other hand.

"I want to believe that, I do, but it's so hard to do," Jace said as he sat up to meet my face with his, tears clearly visible on his cheeks, "You're so kind, and beautiful, and amazing, and I'm so… broken. I don't deserve someone like you, not after everything I've done." "You were right about us thinking so much alike," I murmured as I brushed away his tears with my thumb, "You have been too good to me, too kind. And look at me compared to you. A girl like me doesn't end up with a guy like you. Guys like you date cheerleaders and models. So don't you ever say you don't deserve me."

"But…" Jace started to say, before I interrupted him. "And as for you past, I could care less what other people think of what you've done and all the wrong you say you've done. What I care about is what you do now. So don't you tell me that I can't love you because of that. Everyone does something bad in their lives, it's what they do to fix the wrong they've done and how they change themselves for the good that matters. And I'd say you are doing a pretty good job at that, okay?" I searched Jace's eyes, which had stopped flooding with tears, for any reaction.

Jace reached forward and took my hands into his before placing my palms on his chest, his heart was beating rapidly in his chest. "Would it be absolutely insane to say that I love you right now?" Jace asked hesitantly. My mouth fell open at that, I was at a loss for words. My heart was beating as rapidly as Jace's, if not more, as I looked at him.

My beautiful, beautiful Jace, who hides himself in a facade of confidence. Whose laugh is contagious and whose eyes are so mesmerizing I could look at them all day without growing bored. Whose smile stirs butterflies in my stomach. Whose fears and worries sadden me to the core. Who makes me feel as if nothing can harm me. Who makes me feel like me. A Clary who isn't handicapped. A Clary who can be independent and strong. Who brings out all the good in me and makes me see the good in others and those around me.

I suppose now that I think about it I'm not so much at a loss of words, rather I have too many to say. "No, it would not," I whispered before leaning forward ever so slowly. Jace placed his hands on my waist and once again everywhere he touched felt like fire. I felt it, there in the pit of my stomach. A deep longing for him. And as always I gave in. I don't know who started to kiss or for how long it lasted. All I was aware of was his hands in my hair and the way my mouth tingled as he kissed me and I kissed him back. It wasn't until I was shivering and my clothes were pasted onto my skin that I noticed the rain trickling down on top of us. I couldn't help but laugh as Jace came to his senses just as startled by the rain as I was.

Jace stood up and pulled me along with him as we ran to take cover in the school. The boys dorm was closest, so after a short break we ran the rest of the way in the now downpour of rain. By the time we were shut inside his room we were both breathing heavily and had to keep our hysteric laughter as quiet as we could manage. I dropped down on the floor, trying to catch my breath and calm my laughter.

It was then that I realized just how cold it was, fall really was here. My teeth were chattering now as I brought my arms around myself for warmth. Jace brought me a warm, fluffy towel and draped it over my shoulders, "Sorry, I didn't even notice the rain until… well you know." "I know," I chuckled, "I didn't either." Jace smiled at that before turning and shuffling in a dresser, "Hold on, I'll find something dry that might fight you." I pulled the towel tighter around myself, it helped a little but my clothes were still dripping and freezing.

I started looking around the room to distract myself from the cold. One side of the room had blank cream walls with bed in crisp white comforter perfectly made. That entire half was pristine and well kept, while the other spoke a different story. Clothes were hanging off the edge of the unmade bed and posters hung on almost every inch of the wall, making it almost impossible for the eye to focus on just one. They were bands and beaches and cars and models. The whole thing was very chaotic. I had a hunch that that side was Jace's roommate's.

"Where is your roommate?" I asked, only just noticing the lack thereof. "Huh?" Jace mumbled as he turned around with a sweatshirt and sweatpants in his hands. Jace's eyes fluttered to the direction of the messy side of the room and his eyes grew wide for a moment. "I completely forgot! Jordan is out for a couple of days, something about his uncle. I'm sorry about that, if it makes you uncomfortable with it just being us here I can go next door to Julian's?" Jace spoke at a quick pace, his face flushing with embarrassment. I quickly stood up, waving off his suggestion, "No, no, no, I can't kick you out of your room. It'll be fine, I promise."

Jace's brows rose as his face scrunched a bit, he still wasn't sure, "It really is no problem for me to head there, you don't have to force yourself." "I'm not forcing myself," I said as I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to look strong, but my shivering didn't help anything. "Okay," Jace caved as he handed me the clothes. His hand touched mine as he did so and he jumped in surprise, "Jesus Clary! You're freezing!" Jace wrapped his arms around me, rubbing his hands on my arms in attempts to warm me up. "You need to change out of your clothes, they're still dripping wet. I'll go get you something warm to drink, you change," Jace said before heading out of the room and shutting it behind him.

I stood there for a moment, I knew what I had to do, but it still felt weird to be changing in a boys room, my boyfriend's room. I shivered at that, and not just from the cold. It took great effort to get my wet clothes off, they felt like a second skin. Within no time I had the new change of clothes on, they were warm and soft and rather big on me, but I didn't care. The shirt's sleeves are my hands and hung down to the middle of my thighs and the pants were so lose on my waist they fell off if I didn't hold them up. I sat on the edge of Jace's bed so I wouldn't have to worry about the pants falling off as I waited for Jace.

At some point I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes I was covered up in Jace's bed while he laid on the floor, the book a Tale of Two Cities in hand and a mug sitting on the night stand next to the bed. "Jace," I called out sleepily. He glanced over at me, a gentle smile in place, "Hey there sleepyhead." "I'm sorry, I'll take the floor, you can have your bed back. I didn't mean to fall asleep," I said as I started to sit up.

Before I had even taken the covers off Jace was standing at the bedside, trying to get me to lie back down, "I am not making you sleep on the floor, you are staying right there." "And I'm not making you sleep on the floor, this is your bed, I'm not stealing it from you," I countered. "Well what do you want me to do Clary? Sleep with you?" Jace joked. "Yes," I said, dead serious. Jace's eyes widened, surprised at what I had said, "Are you sure?" I thought for a moment before pulling back the covers and scooting to the side, clearing enough space for him to lie down next to me, "Absolutely." Jace and I have slept in the same bed before, what could go wrong? Jace hesitated for a second before slowly getting into the bed too.

Author's note: sorry for the long, long delay! I hope you guys don't hate me!

I love you all and thank you for reading!

-Haybell


	23. Chapter 23

Author's note: hey guys! I am so so sorry for the long delay on this next chapter and even more sorry for the fact that this isn't a chapter. I was just wondering how much of a rating do you guys want this story to go? This next chapter could go so many ways and I'm okay with either, I just want your guy's help on deciding what level it should get to. just let me know what you guys think and once I get enough opinions I'll finish writing the chapter. Please and thank you!

-Haybell


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns all!

Chapter 22

Doubt:

Tuesday night

My whole right side is burning with heat from Jace's closeness as I stare up at the ceiling unable to sleep. I had been extremely tired, but with him this close there was no way I'd be able to sleep now. His scent surrounded me and I felt a tingling in my chest at the idea of sleeping in a boys room. My boyfriend's room. With him sleeping next to me. My cheeks grew hot as I mentally told myself to shut up. This isn't that big of a deal right? Everything will be fine. All I have to do is stay calm.

I closed my eyes in hopes of possibly going back to sleep when I felt the bed shift next to me. I opened my eyes and turned my head to see Jace laying on his side facing me. I mirrored his position as I matched his golden eyes with my green. "Jace?" I whispered. "Hmm," he hummed, the sound alone belonged in a song. "Is this as weird for you as it is for me?" I asked. A crooked grin tugged at his lips as he shifted a bit, "I thought I was alone on that."

Once again I caught Jace staring at my eyes as silence fell around us. "You know," Jace whispered, "your scars look like tiny stars. It's beautiful." I rolled my eyes at that, but I couldn't keep the sprinkling of tears from forming in my eyes. I usually tried to hide my eyes as well as my scars behind my big sunglasses, but whenever I'm with Jace he always manages to find a way to remove them. I hadn't ever thought these scars could be beautiful, they were simply reminders of a drunk driver's mistake.

Jace reached forward and brushed his thumb across them, each stroke felt like fire. I tilted my head against his hand as I let out a breath, I just wanted him to touch me, something simple like this would do. I just wanted to be connected with him. "Can I touch you?" I asked. Jace's hand on my face stilled and I felt heat burn my cheeks and ears at what I had just said, and even still I didn't regret them.

I looked up at Jace to see him taking in a breath and slowly letting it out with his eyes shut tight. Once the breath had been released he opened his eyes again and gently traced his free hand down my side until he reached one of my hands. His thumb strummed over the back of my hand as his eyes flitted from my eyes to our overlapping hands. "You know I'd do anything you want me to, and I know you probably feel the same, but you don't have to force yourself," Jace whispered so quietly the sound all but disappeared before it had even left his lips.

I hadn't thought it possible, but I found myself liking him even more in that moment. I scooted myself closer to Jace before meeting him with a kiss. I'm not sure who continued the kiss, but by the time it ended I had all but forgotten where I was. My hands had lifted up and tangled themselves in his hair and we had came so close together that with each breath my chest brushed against his. Jace rested his forehead against mine, that crooked grin of his in place, "You make it hard to be the responsible one here." I couldn't hide my laughter.

A thought rose in my head, it was very Izzy-like in the sense that it was extremely impulsive. I know she would be jumping with joy if she knew what I was thinking. I imagine she'd say something along the lines of, 'You've finally stepped up,' or something of the sort. I pushed all of my nagging thoughts out of my head and ignored any sense of rationality as I brought myself closer and closer to Jace. He had a curious look about his face as I gently pushed him down flat on the bed and climbed on top of him, straddling his hips. His eyes grew wide for a moment and he didn't put a finger on me. He simply laid there glancing up at me.

My stomach dropped and I instantly regretted it. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done this," I mumbled as I started to move off of him. My face was hot with embarrassment and I could feel the tears already stinging each time I blinked my eyes. I hadn't moved very far when I felt his hands grip my waist to keep me from leaving. "Wait," Jace said. If I hadn't been looking at him I probably would have thought he hadn't said anything at all. "I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything. Me bringing you here was not so that I could do…" his face turned a light shade of pink as he trailed off.

He took a quick breath to compose himself before meeting my gaze, "I've never felt this way about anyone. Ever. And I'm afraid of losing that, losing you. I'll be damned if I let it happen all because I couldn't control myself and I made you feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do. Believe me, that is not my intention." For some reason all of this made me feel even more sure of my decision. I reached forward and placed my palm against his cheek, it was hot to the touch but I didn't pull away.

The look in his eyes was so raw and pure. He looked so, so afraid. "I know you would never do anything I don't want you to. This isn't just for you, but me too. I want to get closer to you, know more about you. I want everything you have to give, past and present and future. I want to make memories with you," Jace's look of fear subsided as I spoke and by the end it had completely vanished. "You have no idea how happy you make me," he said as he peppered my face with kisses.

Again I found myself gigging as Jace pulled me closer and continued with his rain of affection. He made his way from my forehead to my cheeks and downward. I pulled him back up to meet my lips once more and as always it felt as if the world was slipping from me. My senses dulled yet heightened at the same time. Everything around me dissipated into nothingness while everything Jace did to me felt magnified. I had had no idea a touch could send me on edge or that a kiss could be this mind numbing. It's odd how there are so many words I could use to describe the way I'm feeling, and yet no combination would ever suffice.

Author's note: hey guys! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and an amazing start to 2017. Let's hope this year isn't as awful as everyone says it'll be! It took me forever to get this chapter where I wanted I to go and even now I'm still not sure and I haven't had a lot of time to write. As you guys may have noticed already update times are much slower. I'm just really busy with a inch of stuff right now. I never realized how much stuff I had agreed to do until just now :( hopefully I can get back into a steady schedule, but until then I apologize in advance. But hey! Exciting news I got another art award, maybe this time I can make it up to New York! Fingers crossed guys! Anyway this is all for now so goodbye and I love you all! Thanks for reading!

-Haybell


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